69 Reasons Why Fathers Make Better Lovers

orazzib  the fiendish clown 69 Reasons Why Fathers Make Better Lovers

Ladies and gentlemen some people have told me that this headline is rude, base and vulgar. They would be incorrect. Since I am mature, kind and loving all I have to say to them is find a partner or get new batteries for your toy.

That is not really rude, vulgar or base either, but because it uses your imagination it very well might make the jump from harmless to that other category that does not subscribe this post.

Here is what you need to take from all this: A good writer understands how to draw the reader in and make them use their imagination. Every time I write a post that is my goal- to tickle your imagination and make you see something inside your mind.

Examples:

Most people consider it bad form to slap a priest or pull a rabbi’s beard. They aren’t real keen on your telling Sister Mary that she has a rack that was made for sin and or suggesting that you can help her see god.”  567 Ways To Tell A Better Story

The clown was drunk, surly and horny. Or should I say that he was in dire need of shagging Tinkerbell. Ok, her name wasn’t really Tinkerbell but the performers at a kids birthday party don’t introduce themselves by their real names so you’ll forgive me if I can’t tell you whether she was Karen, Kathy, Tracey, Lacey or Stacey. ” The Flying Clown

A bear hug is no match for an angry man with a salami. For I took said salami and proceeded to beat him silly with it. Fortunately I was smart enough not to hit the two cops who came ostensibly to break up the fight.”  It Wasn’t Worth Getting Arrested

Some of you might think these examples are silly, ridiculous and even over the top but I posit that a movie where Abraham Lincoln plays a vampire killer is over the top and therefore a drunk clown or fight with processed meat is tame.

Don’t ask me to explain The Rules of the Game to you because I don’t have time. You see I am busy reading All Things Are Possible. It is a fine tale of hope, love and determination in the 21st century. It is also in need of some serious editing.

69 Reasons Why Fathers Make Better Lovers

I tend to think of list posts as being something that lazy bloggers write. To be fair that is not always true but it hits the mark more often than not. There are several reasons why this is so.I would list them for you but some might accuse me of being a lazy blogger and I am not sure that I want that title. I already hold rude, vulgar and base- it just wouldn’t be fair to claim lazy now would it.

Besides I am too busy trying to become the Master Ninja of social media- a guru of all things social. Just ask me a question about Twitter, Tribber and Tweeting. Go ahead now, tell me you need to know how to pin someone and I’ll give you the goods. Better yet I will provide you with my affiliate links and encourage you to purchase each product.

Ok, on a serious note I do provide those from time to time but you can rest assured that I only push the products that I use and support. For example I am a big fan of AWeber and their newsletter services (affiliate link) and Sucuri for security issues related to my website (affiliate link).

You can expect to see a post or two about why I use these services in the very near future.

Some of My Favorite Song Lyrics

A brief sample:

“They held each other tight as they drove on through the night they were so excited.
We got just one shot of life, let’s take it while we’re still not afraid.
Because life is so brief and time is a thief when you’re undecided.
And like a fistful of sand, it can slip right through your hands.’

Young Turks- Rod Stewart

So you’re scared and you’re thinking
That maybe we ain’t that young anymore
Show a little faith, there’s magic in the night
You ain’t a beauty, but hey you’re alright
Oh and that’s alright with me

You can hide `neath your covers
And study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers
Throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain
For a savior to rise from these streets
Well now I’m no hero
That’s understood
All the redemption I can offer, girl
Is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow
Hey what else can we do now
Except roll down the window
And let the wind blow back your hair”

Thunder Road- Springsteen

“Will you walk with me out on the wire
`Cause baby I’m just a scared and lonely rider
But I gotta find out how it feels
I want to know if love is wild
girl I want to know if love is real”

Born To Run- Springsteen

Got to run in a moment but before I go I just have to know would you prefer to strut, sashay, ramble or just plain old walk?

P.S. Sometimes you need to just let loose and write. Try not to take this crap too seriously- thus spaketh Jack, Master Ninja of social media- a guru of all things social. Also known as the rude, base, vulgar and lazy dad blogger. icon wink 69 Reasons Why Fathers Make Better Lovers

Back in a bit.

P.P.S. This is part of the Yeah Write #60 challenge grid.

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  • http://www.dudeofthehouse.blogspot.com/ DudeOfTheHouse

    I bet that title will help with your SEO ;)Born to Run is pretty close to as good as it gets. 

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @DudeOfTheHouse Born to Run is exceptional. Thunder Road and Happy come to mind too. Love them.

  • SensibleMoms

    My imagination is officially tickled. Ellen

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @SensibleMoms Hi Ellen,
       
      Good. I hope you had fun reading it and that you are having a great day/evening.

  • michellelongo

    Those are some of my favorite Springsteen lines.  Really want to hear those songs now.  I’m with you on the imagination part.

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @michellelongo I love Springsteen. He can write, sing and play. The talent there is simply awesome. He is someone who I would love to meet.

  • http://www.newsuperaffiliateblog.com/ AdrienneSmith

    See, people just use their own imagination Jack so obviously their minds were in the gutter instantly from reading your headline.  But then again, they might actually know you and that you’ll throw in some kinky stuff from time to time.  If that’s the case then they obviously don’t have a very good sense of humor.  
     
    I like list posts so obviously I haven’t landed on too many lazy ones.  I’m going to chalk that up to being a very good thing.
     
    Either way, I loved the title and your take on this so you keep on keeping on Jack.  These other people can just get over it.
     
    ~Adrienne

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @AdrienneSmith Hi Adrienne,
       
      To each their own. I don’t expect or need everyone to like me. It would be a better world if they did and peace would come immediately, but…
       
      A good list post can be quiet useful, I just hate the ones where people give nothing. Always good to see you here. Hope you are having a great day.

  • http://tri-ingtobeathletic.com/ TriGirl

    Excellent title :)

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

      @Triingathlete Thank you!

  • http://www.jamiemiles.com/blog SouthMainMuse

    The Flying Clown quote was too funny. I need to look into that book. And I want to know your thoughts — What do fathers make better lovers?

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

      @SouthMainMuse Thank you. The Flying Clown post is one of my favorites. It was a lot of fun to write.
       
      Like I said below, there are many reasons why fathers make better lovers and our ability to make our partners feel comfortable, secure and safe is a big part of that.

  • http://accordingtomags.blogspot.com/ Mel

    This is my first time here. I’m not a huge list person, but if they make good points and explain themselves in a funny way, then I’m on board. :P  

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       accordingtomags I can get behind that. Give me a little substance or humor and it is all good.

  • http://markharai.com Mark_Harai

    Great stuff in this post Jack – thanks, I needed that!
     
    Cheers : )

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @Mark_Harai Hi Mark. I hope you are doing well.

  • http://www.livinginkelliesworld.com/ Joe

    You succeeded. You drew me in and I’ll be back.
    Joe(Kellie’s World) 
     
     

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

      @joe Great, I look forward to seeing you here again.

  • http://www.vidyasury.com/ Vidya Sury

    Okay now – I’ve got Young Turks re-lodged in my head until I replace it with something. Strut, sashay, ramble, walk…..I guess walk/stroll. :D 
     
    I love the post title and those happy examples. :D Anything for a good laugh!

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @Vidya Sury Always glad to help people smile and laugh. A walk/stroll works very well for me.

  • Kerstin Auer

    I still want to know why fathers make better lovers. Maybe even one reason?

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @Kerstin Auer Fathers are good listeners, intuitive and understand how to make the people we love feel safe, secure and comfortable.

  • rdopping

    Didn’t Neal Young say welfare mothers make better lovers?

    Hooked in by a list post catchy title. What’s it all about Alfie. I have to agree that creative writing is much tougher than spouting stats. That’s why there are so few good bloggers out there…….;-)

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @rdopping Hello Ralph,
       
      I am not sure if he did, but he knows something about a heart of gold and everyone can use one of those.
       
      Creative writing is just flat out fun, or at least I think so.

  • Michael Wilts

    Since bloggers are writers I think it’s vital to get involved in social media because EVERYONE is watching and hopefully reading.
    Writing is much like playing jazz.. Billy Crystal said this of jazz: ” That’s the thing about jazz: it’s free flowing, it comes from your soul.” 
    I still don’t know why fathers make better lovers but what I do know is that raw writing attracts more readers, if only for a post or 2. 
    Happy Tuesday!
     
     
     

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @Michael Wilts If you want to be a great lover you have to be willing to just let go and tap into that same raw emotion writers reach for.
      I may be biased, but that is what my experience has shown.

  • http://weforgotyounot.wordpress.com/ CrossBetsy

    I get your posts a day late…unless you post at 11:59 pm??
    I got stuck on the title and answered it in my head! Someday I’ll reveal my answers! Ha!

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @CrossBetsy I post throughout the day but it is not uncommon for me to blog after midnight either.

  • mayorgiac

    Lists can be lazy,  but at least they’re organized. I’d prefer a list to an out of control rambling post. 

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @mayorgiac It depends on the list. I have seen a bunch that fall short on organization. I don’t mind then when they have substance, but otherwise…

  • StartYourNovel

    And we got to the end not knowing why fathers make better lovers. Hmm.
     
    Lists:
    Anyone can make up a list.
    Not everyone can put a good one together.
     
    Sometimes a small list where you account for your choices makes for a great blog post. 
     
    And yes, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter is over the top — not to mention unimaginative. Just add that one to the… to the list of movies I won’t be watching. 

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @StartYourNovel I am saving those reasons for Part II.
       
      A good list is useful because there is substance to it. What drives me crazy are the 1,983,873 posts that provide lists but say nothing.

  • CarrieSieffert

    You are right, imagination is the key to writing. You have to leave some description etc to the imagination otherwise you are forcing a story down someones throat.

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @CarrieSieffert Our imagination is the greatest tool we have for really enjoying a story. It is what helps to turn it into something more.

  • http://julielangdonbarrett.com/ Julie

    I used to skip but then I got too old so now it’s a wobbly ramble…
     
    Have you ever noticed that your funny really comes out during blogging events?  And why am I hearing baseball games in my head??  Just curious.
     
     
     
     

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @Julie | A Clear Sign A wobbly ramble has character.
       
      Usually I keep my funny chained up in the basement- makes him good and cranky. Cranky can be funny but funny can’t be cranky.

  • http://billdorman.me/ bdorman264

    Just plain ol’ walk with my head held high.
     
    I remember the salami story; it was a classic, I loved it.
     
    Don’t be a lazy list guy…………:). 

    • http://www.thejackb.com/ TheJackB

       @bdorman264 Head held high is always a good way to do it. Glad you liked the salami story, can’t tell you how many people thought it was real. Oy.