“A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they’d be happy for a while
But February made me shiver
With every paper I’d deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn’t take one more step
I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died”
American Pie- Don McLean
You Put The Bullet In Your Dreams sounds like it might be a sad story but it really isn’t. Rather it is a collection of moments that led to the place where I am now and that is something, warm, happy and magnificent.
We often write about how life is a journey and why we should do our best to be present on the moments and not solely focused upon the destination. Sometimes I read those posts and wonder how much manure the writer swallowed before they regurgitated the very words I am reading on screen and other times I can’t pull my eyes away because they have filled the page with truth.
It is the truth that I want to share with whomever reads my words because of the connection I feel and the way it resonates with me.
“Let your mind go and your body will follow.”
Two or three days after I wrote the “dream’ post I interviewed for the position that led me to leave home and though the position wasn’t offered to me during that interview I had a strong feeling it would be.
Somewhere during those days there was a moment of clarity when I realized that had it not been for those experiences I shared I never would have found this opportunity and if by some chance I had, well I would have passed upon it.
I wouldn’t have recognized why this one moment in time could be so very important and life changing. I wouldn’t have seen the opportunity to take a chance to do the thing that I love to do in for pay in a place where it could work like no other.
It took a bit of time for it to sink in and for me not to let fear of change and concern about what makes the most sense to derail things.
Risk is Important and Necessary
Risk is important and necessary. If you never stretch you never find out what you are capable of and you never get the chance to truly grab the brass ring. You just ride your pony in never ending circles.
Fear masked as “logic” almost made me say no. I came up with a dozen reasons why it couldn’t work and why I shouldn’t try. That was fear of failure speaking. That was the small whisper in the back of my mind saying “maybe you aren’t as good as you think you are.”
I fought that feeling and made a mental list of accomplishments and reasons that proved I could do it and wondered what would happen if I am better than I think I am. I asked if I could say that with humility and the answer came back yes.
Take A Chance On Me
It sounds cheesy but in the midst of all this thinking I heard Abba sing “Take a Chance on Me” and I thought about how often we are good to others but less forgiving of ourselves. It wasn’t exactly in line with the meaning of the song but I took it as a sign to trust myself and really go after this moment.
And now it is the night before my first day and I am feeling a mix of confidence and nerves. I won’t be able to find my groove until I start the daily component and find out what life is going to be like so I am anxious to begin.
It feels a lot like the last night of summer break before the semester begins at the new school and I don’t know any of my classmates. Unlike my school days I made a point to pick out my suit and tie tonight and have them ready and waiting.
I am going to do my best to show them what I have got and hope it is a lot more like the professor than Gilligan. Time to see if I can make those people dance.
Linking up again with Yeah Write.