Women Who Say They Don’t Care About Size Are Lying

Angry Man! / Spew Love

My friend Carolyn pointed out I didn’t answer the question I posed in What Is The Most Dishonest Post You Have Ever Written?

That is true, I didn’t but it wasn’t because I am trying to dodge the question but because I haven’t figured out which one I want to point out. Give me some time and I’ll come up with the naked truth.

In the interim I am using this silly link bait title for no reason other than because I feel like it and because when you love to write and hosting issues hamstring you it is hard not to charge back into the fray.

Angry Man With Sign

One of these days you’ll find me in a picture like the one above, yeah I’ll be the angry man with the sign. Hell maybe the Shmata Queen and I will go protest something together.

Wouldn’t be the first time, won’t be the last time. Have I ever mentioned how neither one of us are particularly good at hiding our feelings.

Don’t piss that woman off, she’ll have your hide. Actually she is kind of cute when she is irritated but don’t tell her I said that and definitely don’t tell her to relax or compliment her on being the epitome of irrational, illogical and hysterical.

Actually, you probably don’t want to say any of those things to most women unless you are trying to start a fight which reminds me, I am not really saying the queen is any of those things.

Life Is Too Short

My kids have heard me mutter life is too short more than a few times, generally it is a reminder to myself to take a deep breath and relax because most of the things that aggravate me are pretty minor.

That is the kind of motto/perspective I am trying to imbue them with as well as myself. It is part of why I made a list of accomplishments and to remind me of how far I have come.

If you look back at the last five years and see where I was and where I am now it is hard not to smile. It is also a reminder not to stand in my way because I am pretty good at using my size 12 boot on your butt and if that doesn’t work I have no problem using the meat paws to push/pull/toss/throw you out of the way.

Blame Archimedes and his lever and my love for reading.

Women Who Say They Don’t Care About Size Are Lying

One of the joys of being a parent in the Internet age is knowing my kids can look everything and anything up. Thus far we haven’t had too many interesting search results but they are coming.

Coming because the middle school boys are sending the young master home with a broader vocabulary than he once had.  One of the other parents remarked to me that they would like to control some of the search results by owning the pages the search results turn up.

It occurred to me if I got enough links to this page about women and size I could make that happen–on a very small level. Might be kind of funny to have the page lead to a shot of some clergy member with a disapproving look on their face.

Speaking of funny the young master and I had a funny conversation about the difference between being a big dick and having a big dick.

Because I am unfiltered I told him it is possible for both to be true and then I caught myself and redirected the conversation.

Content Marketing and Porn

Later that night I lay in bed and thought about the say and wondered if the porn companies have people who try to become expert content marketers and figured they did.

Since I wasn’t real tired my thoughts wandered back to my children and I wondered what they would be when they grew up and decided I hoped they wouldn’t be professional porn content marketers. I am not prude, but I’d rather they go into different industries than porn.’

Hell, I would rather they don’t get tattooed or multiple piercings either.

I imagine that my parents and grandparents probably would have said the same thing about me. I am confident they never worried or thought about me being a porn content marketer either.

But I can guarantee they wondered if one day I would be a writer or some kind of storyteller. That is because my preschool teacher said I had a very active imagination.

I still do.

I like it. Imagination can take you anywhere and everywhere.

Where shall we go today?

8 Comments

  1. TheJackB May 16, 2014 at 10:29 am

    @Chloe  I appreciate that and I will certainly share whatever rewards come with it. 🙂

    I tell my kids I am disappointed they will never enjoy having me direct them what direction to turn the rabbit ears on the television.:)

  2. Chloe May 15, 2014 at 9:07 am

    Jack, I want to help you achieve your goal and make this post number one for that search term. It seems like the least I can do in the fight against vulgarity and the loss of innocence for our kids.

    I’m pretty sure my parents never imagined I’d grow up and write about vaginas on the internet. But then I grew up back in the days when your kids were the remote control for the TV. Back before Al Gore ruined everything.

  3. TheJackB April 1, 2014 at 7:55 pm

    Lardavbern  No sleeping pill needed here. 🙂  I used to laugh about those lists, but they really work.

  4. Lardavbern April 1, 2014 at 8:53 am

    Really going off there on the kids future – aren’t you? You need a sleeping pill.
    I like the idea of keeping your lists of accomplishments handy. I often am so focused on what’s ahead and making things better that I forget about the positives that have passed.

  5. TheJackB April 1, 2014 at 8:02 am

    wonderoftech  It is always about tech. 😉

  6. TheJackB April 1, 2014 at 8:02 am

    Kat M  Oh I know about those instant fights, seen/been a part of them..once or twice. 😉

  7. wonderoftech March 31, 2014 at 4:56 pm

    I can’t speak for all women, Jack, but I know for me size definitely matters. As I recall, you have one of the biggest and best, isn’t that right?

    I’m talking about your Samsung Galaxy Note 2… Isn’t it always about tech?

  8. Kat M March 31, 2014 at 12:01 pm

    Okay, I admit it, the title drew me in.  As a women, I need to be in the know about these things!  😉
    I did, however, stay and enjoy the ride as you flowed from one thought to another.  You’re right, never tell a woman to “relax” once she’s irritated – instant fight…..

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