Sailing The Seas Of Life

Moved out of my place on August 9 and had surgery on August 10, I think.

Those dates might be off by a day or two, it is hard to keep track when you have had as much going on as I have.

Kind of surreal to think about it all because the day of my surgery when the hospital asked me for my address I told them I didn’t have one.

I was technically homeless, but not because I couldn’t afford a place but because I had moved out of the one I had and hadn’t found another.

It wasn’t how I had planned to do things but it wasn’t a particularly big deal to me because I knew within two weeks I’d have a new one.

All I had to do was get to Texas.

Sailing The Seas Of Life

Maybe it is sort of appropriate I am listening to Erin Grá Ma Chrói (Ireland of My Heart) now.

I am not Irish, but I have Irish relatives and I can relate to the sentiments expressed in the song.

My  mother cried the day I said goodbye. She didn’t try to hide it but she didn’t try to show me either so I let it go.

I hugged my folks goodbye, walked out the door towards the car and then turned to wave goodbye one last time.

Mom and dad pushed me hard to make sure I took the job that pulled me out of state. They both told me they were sure I would regret it if I didn’t.

They were right, I would have but I won’t lie and say I didn’t have second thoughts.

Dad has three surgeries coming up and though none of them are technically major they are all important.

If they do as they are supposed to they will make a big improvement on his quality of life now and in the future.

It is not that it is horrible now because it is not, but it could be better and if nothing was done it would get much worse.

So I walked out door knowing that in some ways my leaving would make their lives harder because I wouldn’t be within an hours drive any longer.

And I did so knowing that things can spin on a dime and that one day I might have to run for the airport again.

But none of us know if that day really will come or when.

It is possible it could be years and that uncertainty is a big part of why I listened to their advice.

Freud on struggle

Struggle Leads To…

The last ten years of my life have been filled with some real high points but they also include the lowest points too.

It would not be an exaggeration I can see the worst moments too.

There are some periods there where I took some of the worst beatings I could imagine and while you can always point out how it could have been worse it doesn’t change my feelings.

Nor does it change the reality that those things changed me and I am not who I once was.

That is not necessarily a bad thing either, no experience is truly wasted but there were moments where I wished I was.

Moments where I wondered if I should crawl into a bottle or hole, or both.

But I didn’t do either and I kept pushing because it is who I am and what I do.

Eventually, I turned the corner and found my way back.

It is why I can look my children in the eye and say that every storm can be weathered and that if you keep fighting good things come out of it.

Today I sit in a hotel room preparing to head out towards a new dawn for a great job.

It is an opportunity that I probably wouldn’t have come across if I hadn’t been through everything I have been through.

Now I just have to walk through the next door and see what happens.

Texas

Two weeks after my surgery I flew to Texas for an extended weekend and went looking for a new place to live.

Drove all over the place and finally found one that will make a good base of operations. I leased it knowing it would be another temporary place but was ok with that.

Because this time around all that has been done and all that has happened to lead here has been by choice.

Though they haven’t always been easy choices to make they were choices and I feel good about them.

It doesn’t mean I am not a little nervous but it is mostly of the good sort.

When the kids and I talked about it all we all came to the same conclusions and agreement and that made it easier too.

A Father’s Job

Steiner the minor surprised me the most because I expected the most resistance from him.

But he said even though he didn’t like it he saw how it made sense and understood why I was doing it.

And though I don’t owe anyone an explanation any time I have been asked I have told them a father’s job is to provide for his family.

I am as certain as I can be this will enable me to do a better job of providing for them and that is my bottom line.

So here I sit in my hotel, one day and one night before the new life truly begins.

If I hadn’t been through the storms I don’t know if I could have or would have done this. What I do know is I am going to hit it hard and do all that I can to make it into something special.

I have to because I owe it to them and I owe it to myself.

So I keep sailing the seas of life be they stormy or calm.

2 Comments

  1. sailwawasee August 28, 2016 at 3:11 pm

    Wishing you and your family the best as you all adjust to the Lone Star state. Change is difficult, but also rewarding in the sneakiest of ways. Break a leg, Jack!

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