Just what I needed

I have decided that I am offering a position as my personal assistant. I need someone who can work for nothing and be available full time. They need to be witty, tenacious, forthcoming, pleasant to be around, smart, dedicated and devoted.

And they should be semi-clairvoyant so that whenever they are around they can attend to my needs and I can think to myself, “that is just what I needed.” Now you probably are wondering why I can’t or won’t say that out loud.

Well, if I heap too much praise upon them they might begin to think that their time is worth money and since this position is unpaid I wouldn’t want to do anything that would jeopardize their status as the “just what I needed” man/woman.

Beyond that if they are at all clairvoyant they’ll know what I am thinking and that I appreciate them. That is kind of nifty, because if I were to determine that their services were no longer necessary I would merely think about it and they would know that they had been discharged and not come over.

Although I’d probably have to change all my passwords because with their mindreading ability they’d be able to access my accounts. But the good news is that they would also know that I haven’t any money and hence, they would be wasting their time trying to rob me.

Or maybe I could just think backwards about everything and confuse them. But then I might get confused and need to think while looking in a mirror so that I could reorient myself.

It is time to say my mantra of the day: “Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.Nothing on me looks like a chicken neck.”