"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx
Today a teenager succeeded at something they were very uncertain about and his father got to look at him and say “I told you so.”
Not in a nagging or negative sort of way, but supportive, reassuring and warm.
Hopefully it was heard, understood and absorbed as such.
Time will tell.
We all have our paths.
Victory comes in different ways and we have to be open and aware or sometimes we don’t notice.
Sometimes songs hit me for different reasons and today I hear this as a son and father.
There are the few who know enough to ask and fewer still who get answers because sometimes you don’t know a damn thing even though you think you do.
Sometimes you don’t get answers, responses or information because I am not interested in hearing you prattle on about solutions that aren’t applicable but sound good because you paint with the broadest of brushes.
Given my druthers I would gladly accept your solution because that would mean this particular challenge could be solved with far less time and effort than it requires but that is not how life works.
And given my dedication and sense of responsibility I can’t half ass this and I am ok with it, sometimes that is how it goes.
But if you asked and I chose to answer I’d describe this as the most painful thing I have encountered but would also say I can see significant progress so there is ample reason to say we are going to get there…eventually.
A dear friend in the ‘real world’ asked me how many friendships I have dumped because of Trump and I said one or two.
“That surprises me because you don’t hold back.”
“I have had others walk away because of what I said but that is on them. I didn’t say we couldn’t be friends but I did say I wasn’t going to pretend he is a good guy or that I don’t believe they got conned.”
“You know that is kind of rude to tell people that.”
“Don’t care. It is rude to support a man who is determined to line his pockets and stroke his own ego regardless of the consequences. I can’t and won’t ignore it.
So they can ignore what I write/say and avoid talking politics or they can walk. I still hope they wake up and that 30 years or more will lend weight to my words.
Truth is without those decades and experiences I probably would have walked myself, but I don’t let go of the people worth salvaging unless there are no options.
And the honest truth is one or two of them did things last year that define what it means to be a good friend.
When my dad was dying and some other exceptionally difficult things were going on they went out of their way to make sure I was ok and did things no one else offered.
I can’t ignore or forget that.
They kept me going when I had trouble standing and I am grateful.
But there are others who don’t have that and even though we have history they seem to think that they can get away with the same bullshit as Trump.
The thing is they can’t because they haven’t any leverage. I can’t kick Trump out of office, fire him or implement the 25th amendment on my own.
But I can point out their repetition of lies, ask them why his or their hypocrisy shouldn’t be called out and rub their noses in it if they get nasty.
And some of them have so I have returned the favor.
I don’t like it, but I won’t be bullied or let others think bullying is acceptable.
Enough is enough and some lines will always exist.
Saw someone write Happy Birthday Honey and for kicks almost added a line of my own, “yeah Happy Birthday Honey” but I didn’t.
Cue Music and silly thoughts about how it applies but then again it doesn’t.
Put the letters on the page with real thoughts, feelings and ideas and wonder what it all means, if it means anything at all.
Blurred lines and shades of gray have made appearances different than they once were and so I ask if the feelings that flow through are legitimate or otherwise.
Gut says yes, they are fine, they are real, they are justified and legitimate.
Head says it is complicated because of societal details and social mores. Followed by “you can accept or fight them, it doesn’t make a difference or does it.”
Moments in time flow past and I wonder what is sensible, reasonable and acceptable. Who makes those choices and who makes those decisions.
What was black and white is gray and what I lean towards now is in the shadows except those shadows don’t represent bad.
They just represent the possibility and opportunity of potential.
It intrigues me, pulls me closer and I think what would lips upon lips feel like.
Forbidden or promise.
Every time I believe I have figured out what direction it all will head in I am thrown for a loop and proven to not be as clairvoyant as I might wish.
So I look at the stars, make a wish and tell the Shmata Queen I would take her to lunch or dinner to celebrate her birthday if she wanted.
Been thinking about someone and how we are/were best friends and how I don’t know how to classify nor characterize it.
Part of me feels like the root is so strong between us it doesn’t matter and that this is a moment in time and another says I am fooling myself.
The same part asks why waste energy on this because I know as things are this is a complicated issue that isn’t ever going to be viewed in binary terms.
It is unconventional and in some ways unmanageable so I ought to stop viewing it in any terms but gratitude for it brought more joy and awareness than anything.
At moments there is the urge to compare us to magnets that are drawn towards each other. Place some distance between the two and you don’t feel the urge in the same way but as they get closer they start to notice the pull.
Given enough time they will connect because that is what magnets do.
There have been moments where I was certain there had been a demagnetization of the magnet but that never stays top of mind because things happen to make it questionable to buy that line of thought.
I always pay attention to the actions because that is where you find more scientific proof except even that can provide you with misinformation as to the current status and feeling of said magnets.
So in the name of science I move forward to get a closer look at what could, will might or won’t happen.