Archives for February 2005

I started this blog last May. It was a whim that I decided to entertain, I hadn’t any sense of what it would become, didn’t know why I was doing it, just did it. And that is how this journey began, I packed very little and figured that I’d find what I needed on the road.

In my mind I saw myself walking alongside railroad tracks. There was a forest, lots of green trees, blue skies and the mountains were not far ahead. I was alone and comfortable in my solitude. The weather was pleasant, just warm enough for me to feel the heat of the sun on my back but not so hot that I found it to be uncomfortable.

Along the way the journey became an adventure and like all good adventures I have dealt with challenges and adversity, met colorful characters and learned about myself and others. If this were an afterschool special or some other kind of story now is the time in which I would lay out what I have learned, but it is not and frankly it is too early to reveal all of the lessons. In truth there are many more to be learned.

But I can say that during the journey I have learned that I have fewer limitations than I thought, a much stronger will than I had thought and that losing some things are far scarier than I would have thought.

Life is like that. It doesn’t always give you what you think it should, it places burdens upon people that are not fair. There are times in which it kicks you in the teeth and times in which you are suprised by the things that you are given. The trick is not to try and foresee every possible scenario, but to be prepared to just roll with the punches. If you can play the hand you are dealt and not complain about what should have happened you end up being much happier.

And that is a lesson that I am trying hard to pass on to my children. But there is more to it than that. It is not as simple as saying that you should just accept what you are given, you don’t have to nor should you. But you need to learn to distinguish between what should be accepted and what should not be.

One of the challenges of this journey that I have tentatively accepted is trying to write a novel, or maybe it is just a short story. I have written very litttle, it is just fragments of a story that is floating in my mind, not really sure how the pieces fit together or what it is supposed to be. It is ok, I don’t have a problem with that. I started an adjunct blog (http://fragmentsoffictionanovel.blogspot.com) which I am going to use to play around with this idea.

It may be a short lived experiment or it may turn into something larger. The goal is not to be published, although that would be nice, the goal is to just follow the tracks and enjoy the sights along the way. Life as a hobo is something that could be fun. Who knows what else is out there.

One other image to share with you. Towards the end of “Field of Dreams” James Earl Jones is preparing to walk into the cornfields with the other ballplayers. As he steps into the field, he pulls the stalks apart and then turns back into the camera accompanied by a soft giggle and smile. You don’t know what lies out there, but you cannot help but be intrigued and excited about it. And that is how I feel right now.

I have spent hours trying to get Blogger to cooperate with me, I guess that you could say that I lost, so I am inserting the second half of the previous post here.

I don’t like comments like that, they feel too pat, too packaged, but I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t resonate with me. I have written numerous times about how I have trouble davening, I always feel better when I am davening outside. I have tremendous memories of davening on the top of a boat sailing to Catalina Island, in Big Sur, on the Russian River, Yosemite and so many other places.

Maybe it takes being outdoors for me to be open, I don’t know. But I do know that I don’t want to live in a world in which people do the right thing because they think that they will be rewarded for it and I don’t want to live in a world in which you think that you can commit horrible acts throughout your life and be automatically forgiven just because you suddenly find G-d.

There needs to be a balance. And I think that there is.

I should preface this by saying that I am still trying working on learning new code. I’d like to soup this place up without being silly.

There is an ongoing discussion within and without the blogosphere about the existence of a higher power. And within that discussion there are multiple thoughts and threads debating every point you can think of.

This has the potential to be a very long post, so I am going to try and be brief, which is a challenge for me. So here are a couple of points I feel strongly about.

But I don’t place much stock in the opinions of others or I would probably not wear some of the ties people see me in. The goal should always be to strive for the higher level, the higher standard. Many of the values that I hold to be important are shared across the spectrum.

Some of my more cynical friends and acquaintances think that religion is a tool for controlling the masses. I can see where they are coming from and agree that some people require religion, without structure their lives have no meaning. And it would make sense that some people would use G-d to line their pockets.

So I would agree with them that you do not need to be religious to be a good person, which ties into my first quote and I would say that being a good person is more important than being a bad Muslim, Christian or Jew.

The title of this post would lead you to wonder if I was going to try and present proof of G-d’s existence. And I think that I should speak about it somewhat.

I am a little tired now, so my brain is not firing on all cylinders. Someone said:

In light of the outcry cause by the recent murder of former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik al-Hariri there has been a lot of maneuvering and posturing within Syria and I suspect that to a lesser degree there is some in Iran.

The reason is that there has been a resumption of efforts to force Syria to relinquish its grip upon Lebanon. And as has been documented Hizbollah is supported by both Syria and Iran.

And of course this has been mirrored by rhetoric by Syrian officials:

Rats running from a sinking ship. We can hope that the momentum generated by this murder continues and that it leads to better things.

The children are staying at my in-laws tonight. I am not real happy about this because I enjoy spending Shabbos with them. But there is a lady with a bad back in the house and she needs a day to herself to recover and it made more sense to take advantage of the resource.

My son was none too happy and fought to stay home. I came close to giving in as I thought about all of the different games and things that we could do together. But sometimes there are hard decisions to be made. In truth this was not that hard a decision, but I’ll miss saying the brachas with him and watching him try to watch me without getting caught.

So I told him that this was very important (it is) and that I would really appreciate his help. And like all good 4 year-old boys he told me that I was wrong and that he was angry with me. So I picked him up and told him to hold still for his special blessing. He struggled momentarily and then lay his head against my shoulder, listening to the words of the blessing.

When I finished he smiled and kissed me on the cheek and all was good. I grabbed my daughter and blessed her too. And with that we loaded them into the car and off they went.

A short time later it began to thunder and lightning flashed across the sky. If I were more suspicious I would spend more time trying to figure out the meaning of the thunder and lightning. Was it approval or a sign that I had irritated someone. No matter, we make our decisions and then we live with them, sometimes adjusting as we go.

Throughout my life you could characterize a large number of my activities as having been entered into with reckless abandon. I threw myself into them, often without paying much attention to details, who needed to plan, I wanted to live. And it seemed to me that living, real living, passionate living demanded that I step into the water without regard for the temperature.

Sometimes I was burned by the heat and sometimes I did my version of George Costanza, screaming “there was shrinkage! there was shrinkage!” But often I found that the water wasn’t as hot or as cold I had thought it to be, it just took a moment to adjust to the surroundings and then I was fine.

Life is often about whether you act or react to the things that happen around you.

“WASHINGTON (AFP) – The United States heightened tensions with Syria, President George W. Bush (news – web sites) leading the way by saying Syria was “out of step” with changes in the Middle East.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (news – web sites) said Washington favours using diplomatic pressure against Syria but has not ruled out a military option. A group of US senators called on the administration to tighten sanctions against the Damascus government.

Bush said the US relationship with Syria was deteriorating and that Washington wants an international investigation into the assassination on Monday of former Lebanese prime minister Rafiq Hariri.

The Lebanese opposition has accused Syria of involvement but Bush did not say who the United States believed was responsible. He predicted more information on the attack would come out over the next week, when he is on a visit to Europe.

Syria has thousands of troops in Lebanon and Bush said Syria was lagging behind changes in the Middle East.”

It would have been easier if Bashar’s dad was still in office, he didn’t have the same need to make a name for himself as the little pipsqueak does. And that is what concerns me, that this two bit tyrant’s ego will make him do something stupid. I sure hope that I am wrong.