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The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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Archives for September 2006

We Are Sinking

September 13, 2006 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Wives They Just Aren’t What They Used To Be

September 13, 2006 by Jack Steiner 7 Comments

Back in my university days I had this idea that taking a Women’s Studies course would be a great way to meet girls. Boy was I wrong, but that is a post for a different day.

Anyway, this was passed out in class as part of a discussion. I had forgotten all about it and then I stumbled onto it and thought that I’d share it with you all here.

Things have changed just a little.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

The Phone Sex Surprise

September 13, 2006 by Jack Steiner 8 Comments

Sometimes a misdialed telephone can lead to some interesting situations. It was Sunday afternoon. I was heading down the 210 towards Pasadena when my reverie was interrupted by the distinctive ring of cellphone. For those who are curious it was Ray Charles singing ‘What’d I say.”

I answered the phone and was surprised to hear a man say:

Man: “Maria, when I get to your house I am going to tear off your clothes and ravish your body.”
Me: “Uh, are you sure about that. I don’t think that I am who you want to speak with.”

This is why it is important to listen to what is being said to you.

Man: “I am going to do things to you that will make your body tingle.”
Me: “I’d prefer that you didn’t.”

You would think that he would have noticed that my voice is not the slightest bit feminine, but I suppose that he was lost in his fantasy. So, I figured what the hell and went with it.

Man: “Maria, your body tastes so sweet and your legs are so very fine.”
Me: “They are better when they are shaved, but thanks for noticing.”

Suddenly, the man on the other end realizes that there is something wrong.

Man: “Who the hell are you and where is Maria?”
Me: “I don’t appreciate your tone of voice.”

As you can imagine when he realized who he was speaking with he was less than thrilled. I was tempted to ask him where did our love go, but I make a lousy Diana Ross. In no time at all he was threatening me.

Man: “Listen you stupid dickhead. Put her on the phone immediately!”
Me: “Not until you apologize for using profanity.”

Ok, it probably was unfair of me to say that, but he was the phone who refused to listen to my initial protestations. Ladies, how do you ever put up with us.

Man: “Fuck you. You stupid jerkoff, I want to speak with her now.”
Me: “Sorry, her mouth is full.”

This must have been the wrong thing to say because all of a sudden there was a loud bang and a crash. And man, talk about swearing. The dude was spitting blood.

Man: “When I get there I am going to fucking kill you.”
Me: “No. You are going to take a deep breath and consider your actions. Then you are going to buy the biggest bunch of roses you can afford and thank G-d that you were smart enough not to do something really stupid.”

I am not quite sure what he said because it was basically unintelligible. By this point in time I was fighting hard not to laugh hysterically. It didn’t matter because the line went dead and that was it.

For a brief moment I wondered if he would hit redial and whether I had caused a problem. On the other hand, I tried to let him know that he had dialed the wrong telephone number.

This really was yet another example of the old adage of “look before you leap.”

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Which Meat is Scarier?

September 12, 2006 by Jack Steiner 7 Comments

Treppenwitz blogged about scary meat today. Allow me to indulge your inner Lazar Wolf with a question, which of these meats is scarier?

You make the call.

This one:


Or This One:


Credit for second shot found here.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

How To Tell The Sex of a Bird

September 12, 2006 by Jack Steiner 8 Comments


It is pretty obvious which one is female, isn’t it. 😉

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September 12, 2006 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

https://www.thejackb.com/2006/09/12/3825/

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