Bloggers Are Insecure
Most of you aren’t aware that I maintain about five different blogs, truth is there might be one or two more that I am not thinking about.
The first Random Thoughts is where this all began. It is special to me because it is my first cyber home and I haven’t let go of it because it has sentimental value and because sometimes I go back there because it offers a place to do different sorts of writing than here.
Words Left Unwritten is where I focus on my fiction and I love that place too because it is where I have worked on turning possibility into opportunity. Many of the stories I write there have received quite a bit of attention and it is where I work on pushing myself to reach that next rung on the ladder.
The second Random Thoughts was my second serious attempt to move from Blogger to WordPress. It wasn’t self hosted, but it was where I began to figure out how WP works and where I mulled over whether it made sense to make the move.
“I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that.” Iris Gaines From The Natural
The headline should be changed to sometimes Bloggers Are Insecure because that is more accurate. It reflects the truth or maybe it reflects my truth.
Sometimes when I don’t receive many shares or comments I suffer from Blog Envy and Tweet Esteem issues. Most of the time I don’t care because I love what I am doing too much not to do it.
This place you are visiting, it is my refuge and my salvation. There is so much joy in the journey I can’t properly express what it means to me.
I can tell you about how I became a writer, stopped and then started again. I can tell you about how blogging has helped put me back on track to what I am supposed to do with my life.
I am a writer.
This is what I am supposed to do. These words you read are magic and are taking me too places I only imagined.
Thirty years ago I wanted nothing more than to be an outfielder for the Dodgers. I was good. I led the league in home runs. No one had a better arm than I did. I threw out a boy at home plate.
I still remember scooping up the ball in center field and firing it home. It was perfect. He slid right into the tag.
Eighteen years ago I stood under a moonlit sky in the middle of Jerusalem and made my decision to leave the states and move. I walked with a group of twenty somethings like myself and talked about what life would be.
I flirted with girls from South Africa, England and Scotland. Israeli girls teased me about my accent and I laughed.
My dreams of playing centerfield were long since gone and I had other thoughts on my mind. I knew that I was on the verge of something big, something amazing and I wanted it.
Life happened and I went a different direction. Sometimes I have wondered whether the choices I made were right, smart and or proper.
I have wondered if I could do anything would I step back in time and try the road not taken. Most of the time I don’t think about that anymore. I don’t ask if things happen for a reason because it doesn’t really matter.
Life Is Challenging, But Good
It doesn’t matter because what is done is done and I have that fierce grizzly bear love that parents have for children. My children are simply awesome and I am grateful to have them in my life.
There is no doubt that life has presented its share of challenges and that there have been many moments where I have wondered what would happen next.
Frustration and uncertainty have reared their heads and I have asked if I am the source of challenges, but this is where blogging steps back in.
Blogging has provided a simple venue in which I have been able to ask and answer these questions. It is where I have wandered down aisles and pathways that have made it clear to me that this is special.
I don’t have all of the answers I have been looking for, but I have found more than a few. I feel a bit like Indiana Jones and though I am sitting at a keyboard it doesn’t mean I don’t wear the hell out of a fedora or am any less capable of using this bull whip.
Can’t tell you what chapter I am on, but I know there is a lot left in this story and I hope you continue to share it with me.