Be The Blogger That Punched A Moose

They asked me who I want to be and I told them I want to be the blogger that punched a moose.

Not because I hope to be immortalized by the bad PR I receive when PETA pickets my blog but because I have been trying to push myself to reach deeper and become the writer I know I can be but haven’t yet become.

I suppose I could say that becoming the blogger that punched a moose would have the added benefit of being memorable and that it is more likely that people would remember you.

*****

Been testing my limits again, trying to figure out whether there is truth to saying that the only limits we have are those that are self-imposed.

Had a few solid hits, posts where I felt like I found my rhythm early and kept it going throughout

writing_poetry 

“Dad, tell me again why you need a girl for anything other than having a baby.”

These conversations intrigue me because there is a process of discovery taking place on both sides. The teen is probing, searching for something and the man is trying to pull out some more details so that he better understands what the teen is looking for.

The teen is probing, searching for something and the man is trying to pull out some more details so that he better understands what the teen is looking for.

“The right girl helps you recognize things about the world and yourself that you might not otherwise learn. She’ll help you see things in a way you might not ever do on your own.”

“You don’t have to have a girl for that, you can do that with friends.”

“Yeah, it is possible but women often see the world and life differently than we do. Sometimes there way is better and sometimes it is just different.”

He tells me he still doesn’t plan on getting married and that he refuses to have a girlfriend.

I wonder if he is already interested in some girl or girls, but I don’t push it.

“Hormones might disagree with you but let’s not argue about it. It won’t hurt for you to wait to start dating a bit, there might be less drama if you and her grow up a little bit.”

“Dad, I am not interested in girls and I am not going to have a girlfriend.”

“Ok.”

What Do Teens Need To Know?

Steiner the minor is working hard to become an independent man. I recognize much of his behavior the way you remember a pair of familiar jeans that you haven’t worn for a while.

I recognize much of his behavior the way you remember a pair of familiar jeans that you haven’t worn for a while.

Some of the moodiness and the pushing back against affection remind me of when I told my parents there wasn’t any more hugging or kissing me.

I saw that as belonging to a baby and didn’t think it was appropriate for teenage me.

Now teenage me looks at the reflection of the man in the mirror and shrugs his shoulders, “sorry, he’ll start hugging you again when he is about twenty. Don’t take it personally.”

*****

I got my first handjob when I was 15.

It was at an overnight at summer camp.

We were at Catalina Island.

It was dusk when she slipped her hands into my sleeping bag and then lower into my shorts.

Can’t say if it was five minutes or five seconds, but for a brief moment it felt like a wonderful five years and then it was…done.

She was from Tennessee. I can still hear that accent and her giggle.

We never kissed, but she took my hand and put it where she wanted it and then that was over too.

The next night she moved her sleeping bag next to another boy and then did the same the following night.

I never asked those other boys about their experiences so I don’t know if it was the same or different than mine.

I just know I was both thrilled and terrified.

you mustexperience 

It is past midnight and somewhere into the between 1 and dawn stage of the evening.

The boys from Kiss are singing about Beth and my thoughts are drifting from past to present to future.

Somewhere intermixed are ideas about things for the children and my own dreams but the focus is still upon whether I need to keep winging it with the teen or if there is something more precise I should be doing.

Do I tell him that sometimes you’ll be an adult who gets butterflies in your stomach when you talk to certain girls or that sometimes they make you want to egg their house and pull their ponytails.

Will he understand that no matter how grown up you are some things just make you…young again.

Or at least they make you act like it and then you look in the mirror and ask the beared face to explain why you just did what you swore you wouldn’t do.

I already know the answer to these questions and that some things can’t be explained because they have to be experienced.

Of course I could tell him about how his aunt told me how she hated the girl who broke my nephew’s heart and how sad she was because she saw it coming and couldn’t do anything about it.

Because the boy who says he is never going to have a girlfriend will most certainly do so and that means that someday he might be the heartbroken or the heartbreaker.

Be The Blogger That Punched A Moose

Somewhere someone is trying to determine what metrics to use to figure out what sort of authority and influence bloggers have.

Somewhere they are talking about unique users, pageviews, time spent on page, demographics, followers, comments and more.

All because they think this will help them figure out who to ask to work as brand ambassadors and sponsors but I can assure you that none of them will think to look for bloggers who have punched a moose in the nose.

You can help move the needle and become a major influencer.

Be the blogger that punched a moose and move from being a no one into internet fame.

Sometimes you have test your limits. Sometimes you have to see how far you can reach.

Sometimes you have to punch a moose, but don’t forget to duck and or run because there is a good chance the moose you hit won’t like it very much.

6 Comments

  1. Jamie January 23, 2016 at 10:52 am

    Mooses are quite large beasts, you know that right? Love the conversation with your son as you’ve written it. And that girl from Tennessee should be in a novel. Too funny. Maybe she felt embolden — momentarily free from the contraints of life a red state. What happens at summer camp stays at summer camp.

    • Jack Steiner January 23, 2016 at 10:46 pm

      Moose are very large, not quite as tall as a horse, but broad and ill-tempered. But that is how some people sometimes describe me too. 🙂

      That girl from Tennessee would make a good character for a novel, might have to fit her into one of my other stories one of these days.

      Got lots of stories from camp, lots of stories indeed.

  2. Mitch Mitchell January 22, 2016 at 11:12 am

    You’re killing me. I’m not touching the one subject; I think it’s already been touched.

    I’ll take on the other two. Though I have no kids and never asked my parents anything (I mean nothing), I can sympathize with the quest for some knowledge. Though I never asked them I did ask a science teacher; 5 minutes later I wished I hadn’t. lol I think you just answer the question and leave it at that without any extra backstory. I think you did it right, based on the tenor of his response.

    As to the initial and last points… Even though from time to time I look at analytics, I know when I’m reaching an audience and when they’re not seeing anything I’m putting out. I want to be one of those people who’s seen often, as referenced in my post about wanting to be in the top 50 bloggers discussion. The best we can do is the best we’ve been doing, with maybe a bit of a step up in promotions of ourselves & others. That’s the way it goes these days; it’s more about promotion and social sharing than the writing ever was since, I’m sure, you’ve seen the horrid writing of many who end up being more popular than us.

    • Jack Steiner January 23, 2016 at 10:47 am

      More marketing, more self-promotion and a continued focus on creating interesting content are the focus in a blogger’s world, if you are interested in making it into more than just an online diary.

      It is good to have goals because then you can build a roadmap to obtain them, so being in the Top 50 bloggers discussion makes a lot of sense to me.

      You are absolutely right about the importance of promotion and how some people have gained more notoriety in spite of weaker content.

  3. Larry January 21, 2016 at 7:05 pm

    Interesting conversations you are having with your son. Why is he so down on girls – I wonder? I wonder if he already has had his heart broken

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