Airline travel- What are the best seats?

As someone who has a mild digestive disorder I find that airline travel can be stressful. I am usually concerned about having access to the restroom. I don’t like window or middle of the row seats. I don’t like seats that cause me to be trapped by flight attendants and their drink carts.

Beyond that I have very broad shoulders so I find that flying coach is troublesome because the seats are never big enough, my shoulder hangs off the side and my knees hit the seat in front of me. Invariably I can be assured of being poked and prodded by carts and passerbys, not to mention that when the person in front of me leans back I get to sit with them in my lap.

Upon the odd occasion that it is a very attractive woman it makes it somewhat interesting, although since I do not have a chin/hair fetish it is never enough to make it enjoyable for the whole flight. Besides, I have yet to figure out a way in which to introduce myself that didn’t seem weird.

“Hi, you decided to utilize your seat reclining ability (helpful tip, women are not impressed nor relaxed when you use the word “utilize” like this in a sentence) and now you are really sitting on top of me. I’d gladly offer to let you sit on my lap, but the captain has the “seatbelt sign” turned on and I’d hate to get you in trouble. Once he decides to turn it off you are more than welcome to come sit on me. At least then I may have a momentary thrill and for a brief second feel like the extreme discomfort you are causing me is worth it.

Of course with the “immense space” provided by coach it won’t be long before I ask you to get off of my lap which will probably make you think that I think that you are fat and within no time at all you’ll be quite angry with me. Since you are female you’ll likely not tell me why you are angry, just simply get off of me while giving me the a look that would melt ice and I’ll sit there befuddled and greatful that circulation is returning to my thighs.

In order to avoid all of this nonsense I usually do one of two things. A) I find a way to get my own little section of the aircraft or I go to do a little research to see what I can do to improve my seating arrangements.

One day I plan on flying first class and avoiding all of these complications, but I am too busy handling my son’s tuition to do that now. Perhaps the Pony Express needs a new rider….

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