As I have been surfing through blogger land I have noticed more and more posts from people who are in touch with G-d. And it occurs to me that lately I have read articles that talk about G-d speaking to Pat Robertson, George Bush, Osama and even Charles Manson.
Wow, G-d sure is busy. I wonder what I need to do to gain my own platform to discuss what G-d thinks the world needs and why he/she/it needs me to do it. Maybe you can send me money so that I can live in a deluxe apartment in the sky where I can broadcast to the world the real message.
Have I told you that G-d wants to give me 17 wives. I asked G-d for 21 and all I got was 17. What the hell is going on.
Did I ever mention how much fun it is to play with people who think that it is ok to try and press their religious beliefs upon me. Yesterday at the mall some guy confronted me about my soul. Yes, he said that he wanted to confront me about my immortal soul. I suggested that he go play Tiddly Winks but he didn’t catch on.
If you are easily offended, stop reading now.
The conversation progressed and I asked him if G-d enjoyed a good blow job. He didn’t pick up on my disdain or chose to ignore it. He told me that within a loving, committed relationship it was ok and then added that by committed he meant married. So I asked him if he meant that it was ok for my partner to pleasure me. Slow man didn’t catch the reference, so I spelled it out for him.
And then he offered to pray for me. So I replied in kind and said that I would pray for him. He told me that it was not nice of me to try and bait him. I told him that I was a master fisherman and that given time I could change his mind and make a real believer.
At that point he grew somewhat incensed and moseyed away from me. Why was he surprised that someone might be offended by his actions and show this by being “obnoxious.” More to the point, how many times do you have to be told that what you are saying is of no interest before it sinks in.
I won’t apologize for my behavior. Witness to me and I will politely tell you to go away. Continue and it is time for Jack to play.
Jack's Shack October 25, 2004 at 9:03 pm
Mr. Middle America October 25, 2004 at 8:43 pm
Maybe I should apologize for cursing on your blog…
I live in the heart and soul of the bible belt… and get this crap a lot… and it has touched a nerve.
Mr. Middle America October 25, 2004 at 8:41 pm
Here is the appropriate response:
“Dude… do you want me to bust your fucking skull open? “
“Then carry your ass… “
Is that crude? No more than approaching someone with ghosts in the sky proclamations…
Jim October 25, 2004 at 7:40 pm
Very nice blog you have here!
I agree whole-heartedly with this. I must confess that when I was younger I was one of those people “witnessing” at the mall. I shudder to think of it now. But the best thing we can do for them is to mock them until they are silly. 🙂
Just Me October 25, 2004 at 6:53 pm
1. I’ll pray for you… 🙂
2. I doubt if it’ll have any effect… 🙂
3. This is the first time I can remember you mentioning your wife! 😉
Jen October 25, 2004 at 6:39 pm
THAT is hilarious! I’m with you all the way on this topic…. 🙂
Stacey October 25, 2004 at 6:39 pm
He did the same to me too. Heehee
Mary October 25, 2004 at 6:37 pm
God has never spoken to me, but he did laugh & point once.