Yes, it is true I am running for office. When I turned 35 I decided that this would be the perfect year for me to wrong. I am of legal age and status and a citizen of the fine nation we call the U.S. of A.
And based upon the candidates we have to choose from I have the opportunity to use some very cool campaign slogans such as:
Vote for Jack- He can’t fuck it up any worse than it is.
You don’t know Jack, but why not give him a shot.
Vote for Jack and let the other two guys bag groceries at the “Bush N’ Kerry.
Now I just came up with those three lines in the past thirty seconds which is demonstrative of my ability to craft policy with the same time and effort as the other two guys. Not to mention that we’ll save money as I won’t need to higher any speechwriters. I’ll do my own press conferences and as I am losing my hair I’ll eventually be able to save more taxpayer money because I’ll be able to let the White House barber go.
Consider a few other perks. If I am elected there will be:
Kaparot at the White House. Watch me swing that crazy chicken
Latkes with Larry King once a week.
Manischewitz Moments with Maury Povich
Pesach with Peter Jennings
And oh so many other priceless moments.