One of the things that I like about my blog is the anonymity it provides. With very few exceptions no one knows who I am. I can move through cyberspace like an ethereal wraith and just kind of “be.”
As I have mentioned numerous times I enjoy writing my thoughts and feelings down. It is a bit of a “gut-check” for me in which I see how I really feel about things. I think that we often fool ourselves about who we are. I am not entirely sure that it is intentional, but it seems to me that it is always easier to ignore the less appealing aspects about ourselves, to kind of gloss over them.
The blog serves as a way for me to expose those areas. Sometimes I read my thoughts and I am really surprised at what I wrote. Do I really feel this way? Am I as obnoxious/stupid/profound/funny/silly/ridiculous/obtuse as that last paragraph makes me sound. I wonder.
Anonymity provides a sense of security. I can tell stories, I tell secrets and not worry about how they come across. That is a little rough for me. One of the things I pride myself upon is a “don’t give a damn” attitude about what others think of me. And for the most part that is true. Nonetheless it is hard to be exposed like this. There is a little fear sometimes about what I see. We all have our darksides and we all have things that we regret having done. Am I helping or hurting myself by exposing them to daylight.
This is a journey in which I’ll continue to explore aspects of myself. And I expect that at times I am going to be a little overwhelmed trying to process things, it is a normal part of life. I am going to keep winging it. Some stories may not see the light of day in cyberspace because they are too personal, but more likely it will be because I don’t want to hurt any of the other parties that were involved in them.
However, that does not mean that anything is truly off-limits. There will be more risque stories included. There will be stories and thoughts that do not show off my best attributes. I like to think that it is part of being human, showing my flaws.
In the end this blog still serves a purpose, one of which is being a living legacy to my children. At some point in their lives they’ll be interested in what made me tick and how I dealt with things. I think that they’ll enjoy learning about me and I hope that it will help them.
In the meantime, the journey never ends. So grab your hats and walking sticks and join me as I continue meandering down the path.