Ramblings of a disturbed mind

It is another Thursday and I just feel like I am baked. Not baked as in high, drunk, stoned or any sort of altered state of reality caused by any substance other than life. And that my friends is exactly what has my head pounding right now, life.

It is not particularly bad or good. It is not any one thing, it is just a lot of little things weighing upon me. It is the normal concerns any father has about his children, the normal worry about paying bills, the doubt about career and life path, the drain of spreadsheets and the drudgery of routine.

I am ready for the vacation I mentioned below. It is going to be exciting to be away, to be in a place that means so much to me. And it will be interesting to see what people look like and are doing now. One of the things I have noticed is that often when you run into people from the past they almost assume that whomever you were dating when they knew you is still with you.

It is not necessarily such a silly thing, but I do get a chuckle out of it. The people who look at me and say that they are so surprised to hear that things with the girlfriend I had during the Summer of 88, 89, 90, 91 and so on did not work out.

I am not that 19 year-old anymore, that dude has moved on. If I had to pick a time of life to relive the Summers of ’85 and ’88 are definitely high on my list. For that matter 24-26 was a damn fine time of life too. The question that this poses is what did those times have that I miss.What was it that made them special.

Here is the overly simplistic answer. I was a single man, albeit poor, who had a lot of independence, great friends and plenty of female companionship. There were some rough spots and hiccups, but all told it was a blast.

But I don’t want to spend all my life looking back to say those were the best days of my life. I want to look forward to the best days of my life. And I have no reason not to think that this is happening. As I have said many times, I have done no finer thing than bring two beautiful children into this world.

My son and daughter are sweet, beautiful children and there are no real words for the love I feel for them. This love is why I am willing to bang my head against the wall so that I can provide for them. And it is why in just a moment I will resume working on a major project that was poorly conceived and constructed.

But we all have our challenges to deal with.

Live in the present, that is one of the most important things that you can do. Look too far ahead or behind and you miss out on life.

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