Bedtime Approaches

It is kind of fun giving human characteristics to objects and descriptions. Bedtime approaches, sunrise approaches, so does night, nightfall, and many other things. Does it matter? I don’t know, I am overtired and should have gone to sleep several hours ago.

In the background Linkin Park and Jay-Z are singing Numb and I am beginning to prepare for the week ahead,

Monday morning may be rough, I still have to finish negotiating terms on two sizeable deals and it could get ugly. I have to admit that I am feeling feisty, so right now ugly is inviting. I am ready to butt heads, bang the desk and take the monkey for a long walk.

The time for niceties is ending and now it is time to ride into battle. If my gym was open I’d go over and play midnight basketball. I have that crazy feeling where I need to just go and test myself against others.

I went through a period of time in my 20’s where following intercourse I had one of two reactions. Either I would be asleep in seconds or I would be energized and starving, just ravenous. I always thought that it was kind of a bizarre contradiction. But I didn’t pay too much attention to it.

For that matter I don’t pay attention to a lot of things, why worry about more nonsense. I worry enough for two people and I babble for four. So if you are keeping score I suggest that you multiply the 2×4 and be sure to use some half inch nails and a ballpeen hammer.

In the next mailbag I am going to have to share the letter from the reader who said that I am a hyperactive eggbeater with ADD.

I understand how and why you would say hyperactive and include ADD. But what the hell does the bit about eggbeater mean? I cannot figure it out and I am good at coming up with answers. And if I don’t know the answer I am even better at making it up.

Here is a stupid story from college that my other stupid anecdote made me think about. Years ago my fraternity had our formal in Palm Springs. We all cruised on out there for a weekend of fun and sun.

I brought a pair of red gym cloth gym shorts to sleep in. The first night we drank and drank and drank. Finally there was a knock on the door. It was a telegram from my liver explaining that it had retained legal counsel and was suiing for divorce. For the slower readers that is a silly way of saying that I drank a lot of alcohol.

About 2:30 or so in the morning we were back in thehotel room and I changed into the red shorts and a shirt. It was myself, my date and a couple of girls that she was friendly with. Just when I thought that this was about to turn into a freaky fantasy there was some giggling and the other girls left.

My date had a very red face as she explained why the other girls had left. It seems that my liver had a partner in crime and part of me was a little exposed. You would think that I felt a draft, but I was having too good a time and didn’t notice.

Good thing that this happened well before cameraphones and digital cameras or I might be published on the net. Than again that could have been a good thing. You’d hear about the Tommy and Pamela, Paris Hilton and Jack B. pictures and video. And those VH-1 people would beg me to comment on one of their stupid videos.

Ok, I am ready to sleep now. Good night from Los Angeles where it is in the 30’s outside and the heaters in our hot tobs are working overtime.

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