Kids are being put to bed for the rest of the night and I have already said my goodbyes for the evening so I am able to sneak in some time to write. It is quiet here, I have soft music playing in the background and I am just wandering through space and time. At least that is how it feels.
It is Shabbos and there are those fellow MOTs who would frown upon my blogging now, but to me it seems appropriate. I am creating my own moment in time to reflect upon the week, the things that I have seen and done and the places I have been to. And judging that another year is going to be rolling in it seems appropriate to consider my place in life.
I can see multiple paths in front of me, some of them beckon quite strongly, they urge me to follow them and see where they lead. Others are not quite so siren like, but still the curiosity of where they lead makes them interesting and others are not interesting to me in the slightest.
I have always had a fair amount of wanderlust so it is easy for me to feel like I need to get up and run. Sometimes I can see myself as the guy Springsteen wrote about in Hungry Heart. Ok, not really, I couldn’t just walk out and I wouldn’t, but there is a part of me that finds it somewhat romantic.
Every now and then I wonder if I sold everything I had, could I travel the world, just drift from place to place, odd job to odd job. Sometimes I think that I could do that, I could be that guy you see with the weathered face and untold stories of a million places and people.
Sometimes I wonder about whether I am anywhere close to being the man I could be, let alone the man I should be. Am I using myself to my full potential or just treading water. There are still so many things about myself to learn and here I am the father of two children. I don’t know what the hell I am doing and here I am passing myself off as someone’s father. It is kind of funny. I cannot imagine not being a father and I am confident that I am doing alright, but sometimes it is just crazy to me.
I sit and wonder if they made a movie about me and my life, who would I want to play me. Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson or Adam Sandler. Certainly not Ben Affleck or Matt Damon. It couldn’t be Deniro, Pesce or Brando. Olivier is dead, but then again so is Brando.
Maybe Bill Murray, but then again that wouldn’t be quite right. Tom Cruise couldn’t come close, neither could John Malkovich. Maybe John Cusack or I don’t know who.
Why does it matter, they are not going to be casting for this role for a long while. How about a new post about this.