During the last week or so I have seen a number of posts by women that ask if men have emotions. They question whether we are feeling and I have an answer for them. We express ourselves differently than women do, the lack of tears is not always indicative of a lack of pain.
From a young age we are taught to be tough, to try and hide our emotions and that is often what we do. You learn that if someone tells you that are acting like a woman it is not a compliment.
And fwiw, it is not unusual for women to expect us to act like the traditional male. I know a number of women who say that they want a 21st century man, who is kind and gentle and in touch with their feelings. But some of them will also to admit to wanting a man who fits the stereotype, at least in a number of ways. They want a man who is decisive, who is willing to lead and tell them what to do.
Not tell them in the way of making them less than equal partners, but one who is strong enough to say “this is how we are going do it” and then set out to do it. They have expressed comments that they want to be “taken” in the bedroom. As one of my friends said to me, “I want him to be a man. Don’t hold back, be a man.”
Now I don’t expect women to be monolithic in their views on anything, anymore than I would for men. But what I do know is that I hear and see mixed messages coming from women. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Within my group of male friends I am willing to lay money down that if you asked them what they want from a girlfriend/wife they will essentially say that they are looking for a smart, beautiful woman who is sexy and interested in taking care of them.
And while they may not phrase it this way I am willing to bet that they are all searching for a love that takes your breath away. We want to feel chills, short of breath and dizzy because of the love we have for our women. We want a woman who makes us happy just holding hands as well as a woman who makes us fight to restrain ripping her clothes off of her.
That intensity you feel from real love is a goal and a desire. Believe me, lots of men have it.
And while I am preaching allow me to say to the single men out there, women are much less complex than you think they are. Get inside her head and her heart. Make her laugh, make her smile, make her feel secure and loved and you will get back more than you give.
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Anonymous July 24, 2006 at 12:48 am
finding a guy that is so sweet is hard and the last two guy that i have been with i have loved with all my hart but i dont think they can see that. i wish they can tell me that they love me back…
Miss Nibbles March 22, 2006 at 7:17 am
So true.
Miss Nibbles
KRISTIN September 18, 2005 at 9:40 am
WOW. WOW. WOW.
There’s just one thing to add – as you say most men want… all you said they’d want – I think no one is perfect and you can hardly find a woman that is all that – smart, intelligent, sexy, beautiful and so on and on. Maybe that’s because men won’t reveal their true emotions? They just don’t feel much of what we want them to feel and express, because most of us are not able to raise such feelings. Can it be true? It’s like when my favorite food is chocolate and I would feel in heaven while eating it, and I would PRAISE it too, but when I’m hungry a piece of bread will do too but how can I honestly PRAISE it??? Think about it, ladies. Admit the fact that most of us are just pieces of bread for poor hungry men and not much to be praised there in case we don’t want them to LIE us about how HEAVENLY TASTY we are. I, for example, know that I would like a man to give me not only SWEET LITTLE LIES but some HUGE ONES, too. The truth is almost always somewhat ugly but the lies often make the life worthwhile ;))
KIT
Jack's Shack January 8, 2005 at 12:10 am
Smart, I have been called a lot of things, but usually smart has something else attached to it. 😉
~R~ January 8, 2005 at 12:02 am
You’re a smart man, Jack.
Shoshana January 7, 2005 at 3:38 pm
I think guys do have it tough. I will admit to being a woman who wants a man to be a man, but also wants him to be able to reveal his emotions. I know this is ridiculously unfair, so I am working on what I feel is more important, and to me, that is letting a guy show his emotions.
And by the way, your final words of advice are right on – I wish more people would stop playing games and just start letting themselves care about each other.
Also A Chussid January 7, 2005 at 11:52 am
And while I am preaching allow me to say to the single men out there, women are much less complex than you think they are. Get inside her head and her heart. Make her laugh, make her smile, make her feel secure and loved and you will get back more than you give.
These last few words are so true. So true…
Jack's Shack January 7, 2005 at 7:11 am
My job requires me to be online all day. I spend a lot of time reading and corresponding at night, so I suppose that you could say that I am around a lot.
Sanns January 7, 2005 at 7:04 am
Are you always online….
Jack's Shack January 7, 2005 at 6:14 am
I just want a guy that is comfortable telling me, that losing me is hard.It can be really hard letting go and giving up control.
Sanns January 7, 2005 at 6:12 am
I want a traditional man. Yet I am not so traditional. I am independent and driven by my career and success. Still, I am an intelligent, beautiful woman who is sexy and will take care of my man.
Yes I am one of these women who question whether men have emotions. Only because after being in love, he walked away showing no hurt and no feeling of sadness to me. To others he cried and expressed what not having me meant. I just want a guy that is comfortable telling me, that losing me is hard.