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"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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One More From the Mailbag

January 13, 2005 by Jack Steiner

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Dear Jack,

What kind of blog is this? You write about Jewish stuff, you write about politics, you write crazy stories about your life. What the hell are you doing?

Sincerely,

Pained to read you

Dear Pained,

I am so glad to see that you have written in. My first question is can you please blogroll me and then unblogroll me and write me about it endlessly.

My second question is if I am so hard to read, why do you keep coming back.

My third question is are you male or female. Your writing is a bit androgynous and I like knowing who I am dealing with.

In response to your questions. I am Jack, the baal ha-bayit of the shack, Lord Warden and Emperor of The Jack’s Shack Made By Man Lake and Larger than life Amusement Park.

I am a Jewish blogger. I stand 5’10 and weigh 233 pounds. I have a 17.5 inch neck and 17 inch biceps. I used to bench more than 330 pounds and could curl 150 pounds. Not that it matters because now putting up more than 200 consistently is a little taxing and when I was benching that much I only weighed 190 pounds. Marriage has been good to my middle and hard on my hair line.

I am a Taurus. I am 35 and a smartass. I am the class clown and make stupid witty remarks wherever I go. If I could I would spell dog CAT just because I could. Give me a hammer and I’d hammer out danger and I’d hammer out warning.

My writing is about whatever I feel like writing about and if you don’t like it, scram! If you don’t think that it is funny, develop a sense of humor, or buy a Good Humor bar or just go to the bar.

I am offbeat, offcolor and I sing offkey, loudly.

What other questions can I answer for you?

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