As you know the shack is a Valentine free zone. Don’t believe in it, don’t like it and don’t need it. But I would be lying if I said that I have always been this way or that I have never done anything for the day. I do have a few stories that I could share, the question is which ones and how to tell them without giving away too much information.
OId Jack has a very strong libido and when I was an undergrad at times it felt like I was in hormonal overdrive. Pheromones of the female variety had me revved up on a regular basis. My university was filled with beautiful women and since I went to school in California I was often treated to very pleasing views courtesy of the warm weather.
I was consistently torn by this. I grew up with many younger sisters and my father managed to impress a few things upon me, one of which was to remember that someone was looking at my sisters the way that I was looking at other women, and that whomever I was looking at was someone’s daugher/sister. In other words, think with your brain and try to show some respect.
It was solid advice and when my son is older we’ll talk about it too. But I would be lying if I said that I didn’t want to demonstrate my respect with much affection. Unlike some of the other men I knew, I never told anyone that I loved them unless I was completely convinced of it. I tried to use restraint and to be a gentleman. And while I think that I succeeded there are some ladies out there who would likely disagree with this. As a policy I try to be very honest, and since the rules of the blog maintain complete honesty I must comply with this which is why I can admit that there are few women out there who have valid complaints about me.
When I was around 20 or so I was coming off a bad break up. I was heartbroken and not ready for a real relationship, but I was very interested in finding someone or some people I could be casual with. I dated quite a few women, but very few had any staying power. In part because I was not in a place where I could give much of myself and it made me distant, which typically is not a good way to endear yourself to women.
A short while before Valentine’s day I found myself dating three different women. They were all different, looks, personality etc. But I was trying to forget someone else and they all did a relatively decent job of distracting me. To make it simple we’ll call them all Stephanie.
Stephanie #1 was a blind date. Stephanie #2 was someone I met at a party and Stephanie #3 was someone that I knew from my days in a youth group but had not had much interaction with.
When I was set up with Stephanie #1 I expressed my reservations and concern about not having any idea of what I was getting into. I was really doing it as a favor to a buddy who needed a wingman so that he could get a date with Stephanie #1’s girlfriend. He swore up and down that she was attractive, fun and personable. What he didn’t tell me was that these attributes would not come out until we had consumed a half a case of beer, with her handling the bulk of it.
She was very aggressive and made it clear that I would be rewarded if I played along. I ended up kissing her that evening, not real sure how that happened other than she was one of the sloppiest kissers I ever met. When we finished I felt like a St. Bernard had licked my face and wondered if she felt the same way.
I met Stephanie #2 at a party. She was hot, just beautiful and I was very much interested in getting to know her. I was a little buzzed when I met her and wowed her with this:
Me: “You are easily the most beautiful woman at this party. I know that you think that this is a line, and it is. It is a cheap pickup line, but I was afraid to just say hello and introduce myself.”
Stephanie #2: “Why don’t we start over?”
Me: “Did I screw this up already?”
Stephanie #2: “Not yet, try saying hello and telling me your name.”
Me: “Hi, I am Jack. Can I get you a drink.”
Stephanie #2: “I already have one.”
Me: “Ah yes, you do. Ok, can I offer you something else?”
Stephanie #2: “What would that be?
Me: “Companionship, and a large man who will keep those slimy guy with the cheap pickup lines at bay.”
Stephanie #2: “Sure, I like your smile.”
And so began an evening of conversation that was pleasant and enjoyable. She kept me off balance and it wasn’t until the end of the evening that I was able to confirm that she found me interesting too as it was then that she gave me her phone number.
From that point on we proceeded to go out to lunch and dinner and generally began spending a little time together. It was also during this time that I learned that she was also on the “rebound” and was very tentative about how quickly she would open up.
Stephanie #3 and I ran into each other on campus. She had recently transferred there from another school and didn’t know anyone. We just kind of stumbled into hanging out. One night while watching a movie I suddenly kissed her and she kissed me back. It was an impulse, and looking back I feel a little badly about it, because I never had any real interest, I was too busy trying to heal and doing a poor job of it.
In the midst of all this, the guy who had set me up with Stephanie #1 was trying to get another date with her friend and managed to talk her into coming over to his apartment for dinner. The only catch was that I had to be there as Stephanie #1’s date. I told him that this was a clear sign that she had no interest in him and that if she did she would be willing to see him without us, but he wouldn’t hear it. So I gave in and agreed to do it.
The weekend comes and the girls come over. Dinner is fine and we have a reasonably good time. His date is not affectionate and shows limited interest in him and I am irked. Midway through dessert she asks if he’ll walk her to the car and is greeted with a cheshire cat size grin. I grab him and tell him to be quick because she has no interest, she is just setting up her friend to be with me.
He get’s angry and tells me not to screw up his evening. Meanwhile they leave and Stephanie #1 and I sit on the couch and make small talk over some wine that I am not really drinking because she is emptying the bottle. Suddenly the more affectionate Stephanie #1 appears and she starts kissing me again. I am not used to the woman being so aggressive and don’t really understand how to politely fight her off and so I go with it.
Gradually she finds a way to slide her hand into my pants and I figure that it could be worse, this feels ok. I was wrong, ever so wrong. She starts tugging on me like she thinks I am made of the same material as Stretch Armstrong. Ouch.
I am desperately trying to find a way to get her to stop without hurting her feelings. I tell her that it is ok, she doesn’t have to do it and she responds by saying that she really wants to, it is ok. I can’t think of any other way to get out of this and begin concentrating on reaching the finale while simultaneously praying that I’ll retain normal function.
G-d smiles upon me as the girlfriend and buddy return, interrupting us. I have never been so happy to have someone walk in the room.
Stay tuned for part 2