Red Underpants

Ok, here is a post of a more personal nature. It very well may bore many of you so feel free to skip over it, or not. Whatever you choose is your choice. That is a ridiculous thing to say, but my junior high school English teacher used to say it with great frequency.

Once when she said it I got in trouble for saying “duh!” Of course whatever I choose is my choice, unless I am not the one choosing in which case it would not be my choice.

Some time ago I found myself being dragged through the Outlets Mall in Camarillo. While engaged on a mission of getting out of there as quickly as possible I stumbled into a Jockey store. As I was in need of new undergarments it made sense to take a look there.

And lo and behold I found a new pair of underpants. I say a new pair because they were more expensive than the Costco pack I normally buy. But I grabbed these because they are high-tech and supposed to help keep you dry.

They are called the Jockey Dri-Yâ„¢ Sport Brief and since I exercise regularlyI decided to try them out and see if they performed as promised. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they did so I have gradually been adding to my collection.

During a recent trip to the store I found a section called “clearance” and took a look at what they had to offer. Bam, there was a pair of my new favorites in my size, but they were red. I hesitated for a moment because I felt silly grabbing a pair of red underpants. It didn’t feel masculine to me and it kind of weirded me out.

They were substantially reduced in price and it is not like I parade around in them so I picked up one pair.

Many years ago in college I had one other experience with red underpants. My fraternity used to throw a party we called Chippendales which was named after the female entertainment joint. We would set up a stage and offer about seven different acts in which various members of the house would emulate the real joint with a strip tease.

I only did it once. I was a no rhythm but willing try anything freshman who joined six other men on stage. We dressed up as parking garage valets and with the exception of one guy stripped down to red bikini briefs.

The other guy wore a thong. What a mistake. For a while he was known as double-feature.

Fortunately there is no video footage of the night, but there are various pictures floating around. To the best of my knowledge I have acquired the copies and the negatives of almost all of the pictures of me.

In any case, the party that followed the show was wild and I had a great time. You would think that I would associate the current pair with the former and maybe on some level I do, but they still kind of throw me.

But it hasn’t changed my funny feeling. I still wear them, but I do admit to feeling a little weird when I see them in the old laundry hamper.

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