Brian’s post made me think about something that I haven’t considered for a while. And that is the question of how much to share with a significant other/spouse We all have stories about things that we have experienced in life. There are tales of school, of work, of play of dating, all sorts of stuff.
Collectively these are the experiences that have molded and shaped us into who we are today. But there are probably a good number of stories that you are not interested in sharing with others. The reasons vary. Sometimes it can be because you did something that you are ashamed of or embarrassed about.
It could be something that you experienced with someone else that you feel is too intimate to share, who knows. The reality is that there are many tales that are not told.
Yet I suspect that many if not most of us want to be involved in the kinds of relationships in which there are no secrets, the kind where you are comfortable sharing everything with your partner. But how many times do we really find that and isn’t that inability to share these stories part of why some people blog because here we can tell the tale.
Out here we can share the secret without the same fear and concern of being judged.
Back in the days in which I was single it was not unusual for my girlfriends to ask about the ladies of my past. There were questions about who they were, what they looked like and often more personal type questions.
I grew up in various Jewish organizations, camps and youth groups. One of the purposes was to try and see that we met other Jewish boys and girls. And it worked, but the community sometimes was small enough that everyone knew or know of each other.
So sometimes these conversations with the girlfriend could become uncomfortable. She would encourage full disclosure, asking pointed questions about Sheri Goldberg or Linda Leigh. How long did you see them for? What did you do and almost always was the question of “did you sleep with her.” Even when it was unspoken it was spoken, it was always out there.
And part of the problem and the challenge was that you ran into your exes on a regular basis. And if you answered all of the new girlfriend’s questions honestly you could find yourself in a very awkward position.
It didn’t take me long to determine that people asked questions that they really did not want to hear the answers to. It was similar to the “do these make my butt look big” or “does this dress make me look fat” line of thought. Minefields abounded and there was no good way to navigate them.
Part of the challenge was making sure your partner felt secure, but sometimes there wasn’t a whole lot that you could do to make that happen.
So I sit here years later and wonder if people really are still interested in hearing the full story. Do you want to know all about your partner, or do you prefer that they keep a few stories to themselves. And in regard to your own wishes, do you want to be able to discuss it all or would you rather have a few stories that are yours and yours alone.
Let me know, I am interested in hearing your thoughts.