My Car Is Being Attacked By Eagles

My driveway is constructed in such a way that it requires tandem parking. In a perfect world we would be able to park side by side and enjoy the freedom and convenience that brings, but at this moment in time that is not a reality.

You may be saying to yourself, “Jack, what difference does this make and why should I care” and to that I say be careful not to speak outloud or the people with the white jackets will come take you away.

Back to the story at hand. The problem with the tandem parking is that I am almost without exception the first to leave in the morning, but not always the last to get home. On those days in which I arrive home first I park on the street so that I can leave unencumbered the following morning.

Until recently this was not a big deal because the car has been parked in front of my house. However, things always change and here is where my story takes a little twist.

There is a big, beautiful tree that stands in front of my home overlooking the street. It rises majestically above where I park my car. Unfortunately a group of birds have decided to appreciate the majesty of the tree by taking up residence directly above where I park my car.

Said group has determined that their favorite latrine is a 1996 Honda Accord. Now I have found that when I walk out to my car I take part in a new adventure. Treppenwitz has Turdistan and in a bad play on words I have my very own Birdistan. These fowl creatures have bowels that are forever flexing. It is like aconvocation of eagles have decided that the best place to relieve themselves is over my poor car.

The strange thing is that when I have parked my car on the street I have moved it so that it does not lie beneath the tree, yet in the AM I still find it covered in bird refuse. But when I park it in the driveway this does not happen.

Those birds are going to drive me batty, but no featherbrain is going to beat me at this game.

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