I have been meaning to mention The Monkey for a while now. The man has some very funny material and is usually good for a laugh or two. Here are a couple that made me smile.
“Profound Monkey Thought of the Day (PMTD): Have you ever jumped out of bed and fell on your ass because your leg or foot was “asleep” and turned to jelly when you stood up? I can BET this “falling asleep” of limbs does NOT happen in the animal kingdom – I’ll bet they have evolved out of that “glitch”. Imagine Mr. Eagle wakes up from his nest 300 feet up in a tree or cliff and he jumps out of his nest and finds his wing is asleep and he crashes to his death!? I don’t think so. Or Mr. Gazelle is laying around sleeping when the warning is given that a lion is fast bearing down on him and his buddies – up they jump and “Holy shit!!! My back right leg is asleep fellers – wait up on me I can’t run! Help me! Help me! HELP MEEEEEEE!” I doubt it.”
“If you were on a hot Mississippi prison chain gang, I don’t think the “road boss” would like it too much if you went up and told him your hands were getting dry and chapped and does he have any Avon Soft & Sensual Replenishing non-greasy hand cream in his truck?”