That is how I feel, felt and have been feeling since yesterday. Elvis sang about a Burning Love, but right now I have a Burning Anger.
I have been trying to shake it, to just let go because in the grand scheme of things things could be worse. Yesterday could have been worse. When I confronted the thieves yesterday I could have been seriously hurt, but then again I could have punched him in the mouth, kicked him in the ass and thrown him headfirst into the wall.
I freely admit to being somewhat regretful for not having taken advantage of the chance to do so. My friends and family gave me a bit of a chuckle when I told them that I had a plan on how to make this work. I always have a plan and a backup for the plan. Too many years reading fiction and watching television.
Just to satisy my inner child I did a little weight lifting to see what this old man can do. I can still dumbell press 80 pounds in either hand, pull 200 on the lat-pull and curl 110 pounds. I used to be able to do far more. The 20 year-old model of Jack was a beast who worked out for hours and could have taken this 36 year-old and chewed me up into little pieces.
So what does all this mean to me? Well it means that my Taurus body still exists. I still can call upon great reserves of strength and in theory I could have taken the man turned him upside down and shaken out all of the change in his pockets. If life were a bad comedy when I grabbed him three sets of silverware, a platter and a tea set would have tumbled out followed by a big screen television. But that is not how it works.
I have been violated. We passed these people in the story several times. When we went to the police station to file a report I was able to give a decent description of them. I know that they saw that I am a father, that I have children and that is part of what makes me so fucking angry that I could spit blood.
I don’t condone stealing from stores, but if they had robbed Target it is theoretically a faceless crime. This is different. This is literally stealing food from the baby. This is looking someone in the eye and spitting on them. This takes balls and a complete disregard and disrespect for others.
You got me. You got me good and for a short time you have free rent to live in my head but I am going to push you out and forget that your sorry ass crossed my path. I began the process yesterday. When I stared in your eyes you knew that I knew you for what you are.
I cancelled my credit cards, killed the ATM, the cellphone and took care of the bank accounts. You made off with some cash and some gift cards that had been given to my children for clothing and toys.
You stole from my children and that is where the real depth of my anger lies. You have my home address, pictures of my family. If for some reason you were unable to see that you were robbing a family the pictures are there to witness your depravity.
I don’t really expect you to show up at my house, in truth I pray that you do not. As much I wish I could have shown you in person just how I feel I am glad that I did not. I do not want my family to see that there is a darker side to me. I know that they would understand that a father must protect his family and that in certain circumstances there are things that happen, but had it gone there you would have robbed my children of even more of their innocence.
And that is the real reason that I am happy that it did not happen. It is not my fear of what could have happened to me, although that does exist, it is knowing that had my son seen me in a fist fight he would have been terrified. So there is some small relief.
There is some small relief in this because in theory if it can be fixed with money it can be made right, but that is little consolation. So for now enjoy your little moment in the sun because your face is known to the police. The store has a clip of you on their tapes and they have supplied it to the police. You will be caught, you are going down.