The Dating Life
I stumbled across this post about dating and although I have been out of the field for quite some time decided to comment on it.
“Men pay for dates.
I pay to get my eyebrows waxed twice a month. I pay for manicures and pedicures and facials. I pay for hair color and cuts. I pay for makeup. I pay to shave more of my body. I pay for tampons.
Men pay for dates.
I pay for open-toed shoes, closed-toed shoes, boots, sneakers and sandals, in varying shades. I pay for more than one belt, and multiple pairs of jeans, pants, and dresses, skirts and shirts of varying types and uses. I pay for one outfit for yoga, one outfit for the beach and one totally different outfit for hiking. I pay for various outfits for various events, because it would be noticible and notable if I didn’t. I pay for purses. I pay for bras.
Men pay for dates.
I pay for pepper spray. I pay for diet advice. I pay for self-help books. I pay for greeting cards. I pay for jewelry. I pay for products that are sold to me at parties. I pay for gifts to bring to baby showers and bridal showers and bachelorette parties. I pay for annual visits to the gyno, and I pay for birth control.
MEN PAY FOR DATES.”
Grow up. Men could list a hundred items that we pay for as well. Part of being an adult means that you have to support yourself and part of that requires paying for certain items such as clothing, shelter, food etc. The fact that you pay for these things is immaterial to whether a man should pay for a date and if your attitude is remotely similar to the way it comes off in this post you’ll probably stay single.
Call me bitter, call me angry, call me whatever you want, I cannot stomach this nonsense. In college I had some female friends who would take mercy on their dates and at the end of the night they would kiss them as a reward for spending money on them. What the hell is that, what were they thinking?
It was one of the more ridiculous things I had heard, but the comments above rank right up there. Can you imagine telling your bank that you can’t pay your mortgage because you have to pay other bills.
When I asked a woman out I never minded paying for her, but I never felt that it was my obligation or that she owed me a night of sex for taking her out.
Some people just make me shake my head.
Jack's Shack September 7, 2005 at 6:56 pm
Do you hear that men? Time to move to London. 😉
Gufle September 7, 2005 at 4:44 pm
I am a female in dating mode [well i would come the opportunity – pickings are thin to the point of non existent in london] and I don’t think the man should pay – we split the cost – isn’t that the norm – it is over here.
Irina Tsukerman September 6, 2005 at 7:25 pm
That’s a pretty weird discussion. I never thought about it too much, because I thought that something like this is decided privately. I think it’s polite of a woman to suggest paying or splitting or whatever, but I also think that if, say, she doesn’t work or has some financial difficulities, pragmatically speaking, a relationship where she pays all the time wouldn’t work out. I also don’t think of dating as a sex-for-dinner routine. I think it involves more than just the activity, but also the way two people treat each other, and things they do for each other in between afore-mentioned activities. People date when they like each other and want to spend time together, and when they like each other questions such as the ones in the above post are resolved very naturally.
dorothy rothschild September 6, 2005 at 6:45 pm
I so wouldn’t even want to go out with some guy who put those requirements on me, and I’m happy to say that I don’t put them on myself. I think she was just trying to write a cute post, but sometimes unintended things can bubble to the surface in those…
And I think I’ve written this here before, but if I always am prepared (and sincerely offer) to split the check on a first date, and if the guy insists on paying, then I’m there to get the tip and drinks or coffee after, and I pay on a second date.
lizriz September 6, 2005 at 6:16 pm
Well, I guess it’s safe to say that you didn’t find it funny either.
Thanks for the link, though. 🙂
And I would direct readers to the extensive and interesting discussion in my comments section and my follow-up post referenced at the end of the original post.
The Misanthrope September 6, 2005 at 4:56 pm
If a guy is paying for a date with only the hope of sex than really he is just a john looking for a hooker. If the woman feels obligated because the guy has paid than she is just a hooker.
Years ago, after a first or second, my date usually offered to pay something to help chip in.