Where Are You From?
Last week I was approached by a guy at the gym and got involved in the following discussion:
Dude: Where are you from?
Dude:Where are you from?
Dude: No, are you from here?
Me: No, I am not from Reseda.
Dude: No, I mean before that.
Me: Before Reseda?
Dude: No, I mean where are you from?
Me: Are you in a gang? Should I be ducking and covering now?
Dude: Nah, I mean where do you come from?
Me: Today I came from the car. Before that I came from the office. Before the office I came from home. Before that home I came from the city, but before that I came from the Valley and before that I came from the city. But before that I like you came from monkeys but we shouldn’t discuss evolution because your president believes in intelligent design.
Dude: (Shaking his head) No, I mean what country do you come from?
Me: What does it matter?
Me: Why do you care?
Me: I always find that to be so profound.
Me: No, because.
Dude: Because what.
Me: Because, because, because, because, of all the wonderful things he does.
Dude: (Gives me a funny look, must not have seen the Wizard of Oz) What country?
Me: What country? We are in the U.S.
Dude: No, what country are you from?
Me: What country am I from?
Dude: (Face scrunched up in frustration) Why don’t you just tell me?
Me: What do you want me to tell you? A story, a joke, a song?
Dude: I want to know what country you originally came from.
Me: The U.S.
Dude: No way, I don’t believe it.
Me: Why? You are the one with the funny accent.
Dude: You think that I have an accent?
Me: I know that you have one.
Dude: How did you get rid of yours?
Me: I never had one.
Dude: You are one of them Jewralies.
Me: What is that?
Dude: You are a Jewish Israeli, a Jewralie
Me: I am Jewish, but not Israeli.
Dude: You are.
Me: I am what.
Dude: You are one of them.
Me: Nope, just your average American.
Dude: Are you kidding me?
Dude: I don’t believe you.
Me: Ok, you are right. I am actually Jamaican.
Dude: Really? I knew that I recognized your accent.
Me: Yep, you got me. I don’t like telling people because they always ask me for tourist advice.
Dude: I bet that they do. Well, I have got to run now, love your accent.
Me: Ya, sure mon.