Dear Smoker

Some of you are not going to appreciate this post because you are smokers and I am not always a nice guy, but if you read a curmudgeon’s blog what do you expect.

Dear Smokers in my office building,

I’d like to thank you for your lack of courtesy and respect for those of us who are not interested in serving as human ashtrays. I appreciate your addiction to nicotine and understand that when you do not get your fix you grow irritable because I too get irritable about little things such as having to wade through the carcinogenic cloud you spew in front of the building.

I know that your tiny overtaxed lungs beg for mercy and that you consider it an imposition to have to smoke outside. And I know that some of you think that it is funny to smoke a half step outside of the entrance to the building.

I know this because I have heard your complaints about the lack of a smoking section and your cries about discrimination and they do warm the cockles of my heart. Some of you have tried to justify your addiction by claiming that just breathing city air is bad for you and that smoking doesn’t make it any worse. Others have pooh-poohed claims of the danger of secondhand smoke and made other specious remarks about how intolerant nonsmokers are.

And you are right, many of us are not tolerant. I am not. I don’t need to be nice or understanding about a habit that is dangerous. I don’t need to apologize or pull punches for saying that I don’t want to breathe your crap and that your selfish needs are making a problem for many people.

Your addiction is part of the reason why healthcare costs are what they are. I can’t quantify it for you or give you an exact number, but we all know that smoking is bad for you. We know that the smokers suffer from more health issues and that there are many side issues. It is not a secret.

And we know many of the arguments about how you are only impacting yourself, but the reality is far different. At least be honest. Tell me that you are a selfish bastard who doesn’t care whether I like smoking or not. Be direct, be upfront, be a grownup.

I don’t smoke cigarettes, but I have been known to enjoy the occasional cigar. One day I think that I am going to help some of the building smokers understand what we undergo by bringing a few stogies. It should be fun to watch your faces scrunch up and listen to you cough.

This has been a message of the Jack’s Shack screw you broadcast system.

(Visited 41 times, 1 visits today)


  1. Jack's Shack September 19, 2005 at 9:09 pm

    Hey Bill,

    When I lived in apartments and condos that used to aggravate me too.

  2. Bill September 19, 2005 at 9:05 pm

    Recently I’ve taken to reading on my balconey but some schmuk below my unit seems to think that smoke doesn’t drift upwards. Much as I sympathize with smokers that are being driven farther a feild to spark up, I don’t want to breathe the stuff that just came out of your tar filled lungs, so keep moving on.

  3. Lil Bit September 15, 2005 at 7:08 pm

    True. Point taken. They piss me off, too.

  4. Jack's Shack September 15, 2005 at 6:53 pm

    Hey MP and Lil Bit,

    If more smokers were conscientous I wouldn’t have written this.

  5. Lil Bit September 15, 2005 at 4:22 pm

    a message of the Jack’s Shack screw you broadcast system. – LOLOL!!! That truly cracked me up!

    Here, here Melliferous Pants!!
    Add another smoker to the list who is tired of being grouped w/all of the trashy, indifferent smokers. Sterotyping us is just like stereotyping every other group. There ARE folks who don’t fit the mold, y’know. I once almost found myself in a bit of “road rage” when I honked & yelled at the driver in front of me who decided the middle of the road was a good place for him to dump the ashtray from his pick-up truck.
    I’m thinking disrespectful smokers would also be disrespectful in one way or another if they WEREN’T smokers. JMO.

  6. Melliferous Pants September 15, 2005 at 5:33 am

    Not all smokers are dirty and disrespectful. I smoke and I do my best to avoid subjecting others to my nasty habit. (As a smoker I find smoking near doorways gross.) I abhor smoking indoors. It makes me mad to see people litter our streets and highways with cigarette butts. If there is not an ashtray nearby I will extinguish and walk it to a garbage can.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

You may also like