This morning as I sat in the shower I pondered many important things like movies that have actors with bad accents. In particular I refer you to Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves in which Kevin Costner tries in vain to pretend to have an English Accent.
I used to be a bit of a Costner fan. I enjoyed Dances with Wolves, Field of Dreams, The Untouchables and Bull Durham. But somewhere along the way I realized that his acting ability is quite limited and there isn’t all that much difference between Eliot Ness and Ray Kinsella and that kind of did it for me.
And speaking of someone who could probably fake a good British accent, let’s mention Sean Connery who managed to play a Russian sub commander with essentially his own voice. And how did they camoflauge this? They surrounded him with others who had British accents, such as Tim Curry and Sam Neill.
I think that I am going to write, direct and produce my own movie in which I star as a Gay Egyptian Woman. Based upon the success of these other movies I shouldn’t have any trouble. What could be more credible than having me play the lead, certainly no one will notice my voice.
Actually, scratch that. I am going to play a woman who has to wear a burka. That should take care of the looks part of it and again based upon the past history of cinema no one will notice my voice, or at least no one will care enough not to see the movie.