Within the past couple of months my son has gotten into watching Scooby-Doo. That is kind of cool. I used to watch Scooby. It is something that we can share and that makes me happy. There is nothing like bonding, especially over a Scooby Snack.
And because he has watched some of the older episodes he is familiar with guest stars like Big Mama Cass and Don Knotts. It is kind of odd to listen to the almost five year old try and describe what happens to Big Mama Cass in a candy factory and how the gang saved her. On a side note I wonder if she was offended by being forced to make her guest appearance in a candy factory. More on that later, or maybe not.
The little mister watched an episode of the Jetsons with me and told me that Scooby is much cooler than Astro and you know I have to agree with that.
When I asked him who his favorite animal buddy was he screwed up his face and said loudly, “Scooby!” I probably made it a little bit too difficult as I offered him a number of choices including Scooby, Lassie, Rin Tin Tin, Benji and Boomer. Ok, he didn’t have a clue as to who most of those other dogs were so I had to explain it to him. I would have mentioned Old Yeller but then I would have started crying and that would have raised all sorts of issues.
I can hear some of you snickering. If you didn’t cry at the end of Old Yeller there is something wrong with you. You probably laughed when Bambi’s mother was shot. You sick and twisted monsters, have you no shame.
But the sickest thing was not your shameful sniggering, but when my son told me that I had forgotten Scrappy Doo. I was horrified. Scrappy Doo is the devil. When that little yappy, annoying irritant showed up the writing was clear, Scooby Doo had jumped the shark.
I almost choked. I sputtered, stuttered and stumbled because I really wanted to tell him how very much I dislike Scrappy and how bad he was for the show. He arrived and Fred, Daphne and Velma left. No more would we hear such insightful expressions as “Jinkies.” No longer would we wonder if Velma would ever learn to get a chain for her glasses, they fall off every show forcing her to blindly search for them. You would think by now that she would have figured that out.
Not to mention the very sad reality that no matter how good a plan Fred and Velma create it is always going to be mucked up by Scooby and Shaggy. But that really didn’t matter because somehow those meddling kids always got the best of the bad guys.
And then came Scrappy Doo. Scrappy Fucking Screwed up a Beautiful Television Show Doo, destroyer of joy and happiness. My childhood was scarred by the arrival of that dumb mutt and now my son has a thing for him.
Tomorrow we are going to have the scrap Scrappy Doo talk. I hate to do it, but sometimes for the good of a child a parent has to make hard decisions.
In the morning I probably will share my thoughts on Alito. Rumor has it that he is a fan of the little yapper and that given a choice of Sesame Street characters he would pick Bert over Ernie and Elmo over Cookie Monster. If these things are proven true the man will have to go down, there is no way that we can confirm a justice who is unable to appreciate The Cookie Monster. That is just unAmerican.