Things That Irritate Me But Probably Shouldn’t
Chalk this up to allowing the small things to piss me off.
People who back into their parking space so that they can face forwards when they leave. What the hell, are they unable to turn their heads, because if so they shouldn’t be driving to begin with. You people suck.
Adults who think that they are cool by trying to dress as if they are still teenagers.
Slugs who profit by stealing the ideas of others and claiming them as their own.
And on to the next topic.
I have been won over by Bill Simmons, aka The Sports Guy. Heis a columnist for ESPN and a big time fan of Boston sports which means that he is a lover of the Celtics and as a good Laker fan that automatically places us on the opposite side of the table.
But I have to give the man credit, he is funny. I particularly enjoyed this column. I loved this section:
“2. Kobe’s new nickname
An actual excerpt from Ric Bucher’s ESPN The Mag cover story about Kobe and Phil (and no, I’m not making this up):
“Granted, there’s still a dark side that Bryant embraces. He’s known in his inner circle as Mamba, which, he is happy to explain, is a kind of snake that can grow to 13 feet and is one of the world’s quickest, and one of the most venomous, serpents. He referred to this summer as the ‘blackout,’ in which the snake grew a new skin through a seven-days-a-week conditioning program.”
Wait, there’s more!
Here’s Kobe explaining his new nickname: “The mamba can strike with 99 percent accuracy at maximum speed, in rapid succession. That’s the kind of basketball precision I want to have. Not being able to train the last two summers, I was in a gunfight with a rusty butter knife. I did my share of killing, but I was just fighting to survive.”
All right …
First of all, I love when any celebrity gives himself a new nickname to change his identity. It’s funny when wrestlers change gimmicks and end up with a new nickname, it’s funny when Diddy changes nicknames, and it’s downright hysterical when an NBA star once accused of sexual assault decides it would be a fantastic idea to embrace the identity of a 13-foot serpent. Second, when they explain the choice of the nickname with a beauty like, “The mamba can strike with 99% accuracy at maximum speed, in rapid succession,” and refuse to credit “Kill Bill,” it reminds me why I still love writing this column. And third, I don’t think this nickname is catching on, since I have been delightedly telling everyone I know about the Mamba story, and nobody has heard of it, so I’m calling Kobe “Mamba” in this space from this point forward. Long live Mamba.”
I may have to make that my new slogan. Long Live Mamba. I don’t care if anyone gets it, that just rolls off of the tongue so nicely.
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