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"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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A Couple of Jokes

November 17, 2005 by Jack Steiner

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Mary is woken from her sleep. There’s a bat in her room, which must have got in through the open window. The bat swoops around the room and Mary watches in horror as it transforms itself into …. a vampire.
“Oh my God,” she says, as she grips her pillow tightly.
As the vampire slowly approaches her, Mary remembers the cross around her neck. She grabs it, points it towards the vampire and with a trembling cry says, “You can’t come any closer. Look, I have a cross.”
The vampire looks Mary in the eye and says, “Lady, Es vet dir gornisht helfen! (it won’t help you)”

“A man was walking through the woods to go visit a dear friend. As he was walking he stumbled and his yarmulke fell off of his head. So he bent over to pick it up and upon standing up he noticed a bear standing in front of him.

He froze in fear and began to tremble. As he stood there he watched in amazement as the bear stood up and placed a yarmulke on his own head and began to daven.

He thought to himself, “I am saved, I have found the only Jewish bear in creation!” So he breathed a sigh of relief and began to daven and give thanks to G-d.

He finished just in time to hear the bear utter the last words of the bear’s prayer — hamotzi lekhem min ha-aretz.*”

(*the blessing that is said before meals)

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