Advice You Probably Won’t Need

Came across this little ditty but I am not sure when if ever I will be able to use this.

“WHEN A BULL whale comes at you with an erect penis, it’s nine feet long,” said Gregory Colbert, aiming a fork at his Caesar salad. “It’s like a torpedo. And you’d better get out of the way, fast.”

I nodded appreciatively, as though there were a realistic chance that, at some point in the near future, I might indeed find myself in the company of a bedroom-minded bull whale — and that Colbert’s advice on the measurement and potential destructiveness of the creature’s whalehood might save my life.

“But an adolescent male sperm whale is the worst,” Colbert continued. “He weighs between 15 and 18 tons. You’re basically the size of a piece of sushi to him. The worst thing you can do is panic. He’ll see your chest moving up and down and think to himself, ‘Hey, this guy’s afraid of me; that means he must be lunch’.”

With that, Colbert put down his fork and released a giggle of almost childish excitement.”