Advice You Probably Won’t Need
Came across this little ditty but I am not sure when if ever I will be able to use this.
â€œWHEN A BULL whale comes at you with an erect penis, itâ€™s nine feet long,â€ said Gregory Colbert, aiming a fork at his Caesar salad. â€œItâ€™s like a torpedo. And youâ€™d better get out of the way, fast.â€
I nodded appreciatively, as though there were a realistic chance that, at some point in the near future, I might indeed find myself in the company of a bedroom-minded bull whale â€” and that Colbertâ€™s advice on the measurement and potential destructiveness of the creatureâ€™s whalehood might save my life.
â€œBut an adolescent male sperm whale is the worst,â€ Colbert continued. â€œHe weighs between 15 and 18 tons. Youâ€™re basically the size of a piece of sushi to him. The worst thing you can do is panic. Heâ€™ll see your chest moving up and down and think to himself, â€˜Hey, this guyâ€™s afraid of me; that means he must be lunchâ€™.â€
With that, Colbert put down his fork and released a giggle of almost childish excitement.”