Things That Keep Me Awake At Night

Some of the things that keep me up at night are serious and some are not so serious. Here is a brief sample. By no means are they in order of importance.

It is 1987 and I am on my high school swim team. We are at City Finals and I am competing in the 100 yard breast stroke. I swim in two different heats and end up tied for 24 in the city. Don’t ask me how many because I don’t remember and I know that there were a bunch who weren’t able to qualify for the finals.

I underwent Lasik five years ago but back then I was half blind. I sometimes wonder if I would have been able to really see what I was doing if I couldn’t have moved up closer to the top ten. I missed out on being part of the top twenty by around a second.

Public school versus private school. This is one that I agonize over. All I want to do is give my children the best in everything. I want them to have all of the advantages that I didn’t have, but it is so very hard. I roll around in bed from side to side and pace the halls wondering what the right decision is.

I still wonder if I could be a gold medalist in the Olympics. Sometimes I sit and review the various events and wonder if I am good enough to make the team in something. Is there some obscure event that fewer people compete in and if so how do I match up.

Or maybe I have a connection that I could leverage. Maybe I could be the representative for the Grand Republic of Mastorinstan. I’d be happy to carry the flag and march in by myself during the Opening Ceremonies. I’d even create a national anthem.

Alternatively I sometimes try and create some kind of sport that I could introduce to the world. As the inventor/creator I just might be able to be good enough to make the team that way. You never know, it could happen. Look at the Jamaican bobsledding team.

Am I the man I want to and should be? This is another one of those things that I sometimes consider. It started around 24 or 25. I hadn’t been out of school all that long and I found myself working with a bunch of people who just seemed to have no moral compass and I wondered what they got out of life.

And then I asked myself if I was who I want to be. Now the question is what do you want to be when you grow up.

What invention is the world in desperate need of and how can I create it? I have a pretty good imagination. Sometimes I think that if I just really let go of my grounded personality and walked in the clouds I’d stumble over or onto some amazing idea. Actually it doesn’t have to be amazing, just interesting enough to become a useful product. I could have been the guy that invented Post-it notes.

At one point in time I thought about taking the old edible underwear idea and expanding it so that all of your clothes would be edible. They could even have different flavors. Your shirt could be chocolate, belt vanilla and your socks could taste like pumpkin pie. Who knows, the possibilities would be virtually endless.

If someone told you to “eat his shorts” you might just consider it, or maybe not.

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  1. Jack's Shack December 23, 2005 at 6:19 am


    I already have one of those, but maybe I should get a Harley to go with it.


    Porn boy loves me.


    It is in the mail.

  2. anybody December 22, 2005 at 4:25 pm

    Would you please invent an inexpensive coffee maker that doesn’t malfunction or rust out after a year?

  3. Robbie December 22, 2005 at 1:41 pm

    If you want, I can carry the flag while you walk as the delegate.

    Oh, and have you been making new friends? This porn guy seems to like you a lot…

  4. Jameel December 22, 2005 at 11:29 am

    Sounds like an early mid-life crisis to me! Go out and buy yourself a leather jacket.

    You’ll get over it.


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