Lance Armstrong- What Are You Doing Here?

You might be surprised to read this, but I have a very graphic imagination. Some people think in black and white and some in color. I don’t. I see the world in high definition. I see spectacular sunsets and fireworks. I see amazing works of nature and I see it all in 3D.

There are a lot of benefits to living this way and there are a number of negatives. But that is probably something that can be said about anything and anyone and since I this is how I operate it feels natural to me.

I have many fantasies, it comes with the hyperactive imagination. One of them is to magically be given a vacation or job in which I am required to get back into shape. The dream basically goes something like this. Somehow, some way I am told that my new job is to do nothing but eat right and exercise. It is a nice thought and I truly believe that if I had 90 days in which my primary focus was to get back into shape I would find myself looking at the 20 year-old I used to be.

So last night I dreamt about this, only there was a twist. I was forced to enter the Tour de France where I was told that in order to maintain my place I had to be within one hour of Lance Armstrong throughout the entire race. Fall short and you are kicked out.

I can remember thinking that this wasn’t much of a fantasy, it was a bit of a nightmare. I own a bike and I do some riding but not the kind that was going to keep me anywhere close to the machine. But I don’t give up easily and I was determined to gut it out.

There I was riding through the French countryside, huffing and puffing while obnoxious Frenchman threw rolls and croissants at me. They were stale and crumbly but I was desperate to keep up and with the amount of calories I was burning each day I needed to carbo load.

After about three days of racing I found myself face to face with old Lance. I told old Lance that if he didn’t slow down so that I could keep up I was going to break his ankles and tear out the spokes on his tires.

I don’t know what happened because moments later I was wide awake. For a moment I lay there in bed trying to figure out how it happened. How was I able to get into the Tour de France and how did I manage to keep up. As I lay there pondering it all it suddenly dawned on me that it was only a dream.

Dream or not, my legs felt dead today.

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  1. Stephen (aka Q) January 22, 2006 at 12:11 am

    I enjoyed this post so much, I shared it with Mary P. She wants to know, after the dream, do you still have both your testicles?

  2. cruisin-mom January 20, 2006 at 5:14 pm

    Too bad Cheryl Crow didn’t creep into your dream somehow.
    Mirty…have you thought about doing stand-up?

  3. Stephen (aka Q) January 20, 2006 at 2:46 pm

    Your legs were tired; were there also croissant crumbs in your bed?

    (And Mirty, your comment is hilarious!)

  4. Jack's Shack January 20, 2006 at 1:57 pm


    Oh, don’t get me started on the stocks I would pick. Oy vey, I could be in such a sweet situation now.


    Oh he did, did he. 🙂 Just as he long he understands what his priorities are.

  5. Mirty January 20, 2006 at 12:48 pm

    Coincidentally, last night Lance Armstrong had a dream that he was a Jewish guy living in LA and blogging. He had to keep blogging. Write more! Write! It was torturous, painful. He had never done much writing before. He had to keep up with this blogger named Jack or else he would be kicked off the internet. Finally he found Jack and told him, “If you don’t slow down your blogging, I’m going to bend your fingers backwards and snap your keyboard in half.” Lance woke up this morning with writers cramp and Carpal Tunnel syndrome.

  6. Mata Hari January 20, 2006 at 12:22 pm

    Hi. I can relate. I have these fantasies all the time. Like what if I went back in time and was just starting college. What would I do differently. One thought – I’d make sure to buy whatever stock I knew was going to skyrocket in the future.
    I also love the thought of having say a month or two to devote myself to exercise to get in top shape.
    I like the image of HD thinking. Will have to try it out.

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