It Would Have Been Great

I had trouble falling asleep last night. That is not something that happens very often. Usually I fall asleep very quickly, often before my head hits the pillow. I can go to sleep virtually anywhere and anytime. Give me a pair of dark sunglasses and you wouldn’t know if I was asleep or awake. Ok, the snoring and the drooling would be a big clue that I wasn’t conscious, or maybe not.

Last night was an exception to the rule so I took steps to rectify the problem. I started to count sheep but that is far too easy and not nearly boring enough. So I took a moment to consider what the math geeks do for fun and almost bored myself to sleep thinking about Eigenvectors, derivatives and parabolas. The hyperbolating nature of these sorts of things is dull, but last night it wasn’t quite dull enough.

So there I lay in bed rolling from side to side. I imagined that I was on a tall ship and then I got a better idea and pretended to be Max from Where the Wild Things Are. That helped for a minute, but if you know me you know that I have a plan for almost everything and in this case my plan was so good that it took me less than two minutes to tame the Wild Things.

Scratch another method of trying to go to sleep. I tried thinking about cleveland as I knew that if anything was going to bore me to sleep it would be thoughts of the burning river. Instead it just made me laugh, primarily because I recently read some post lauding the cleveland sports teams. Gales of laughter burst from my lips over this. Just the thought of them thinking that they could win a championship was as funny to me as detroit considering itself a real city.

Finally I came up with this idea for an amazing post about passwords and lines. It was going to build on previous ideas on the topic. There would have been humor. There would have been drama and excitement. There would have been great moments of doubt and fear and a heartwarming tale of how I overcame that. It would have been so good that Oprah would have demanded that I be on the show and that would have been in spite of it being a fictionalized memoir.

I would have toured the country. I would have been on Letterman and Leno. Larry King and I would have exchanged jests and there probably would have even been a ticker tape parade. It was tha good. The elements wee all there.

Sadly this didn’t materialize. It didn’t grow from concept to reality because of one tiny detail. There was one thing that prevented this incredible experience from taking place. Just one little thing.

Right at my moment of glory, just on the verge of my triumph fate played a new card and I fell asleep.

Somewhere during the quiet moment of the late evening and the early morning that perfect post was lost. Now I have nothing but fragments of the idea. Tiny bits of fairy dust that offer echoes of promise but no map of how to put them together.

And now I stare at a keyboard that mocks my self induced amnesia. Thus it is for those who are wont to emulate Icarus. Fly too high and the wax on your wings may melt and you plummet downwards at ridiculous speed.

(Visited 43 times, 1 visits today)


  1. Jack's Shack February 8, 2006 at 5:47 am


    That works for me.


    If it works.


    Some people would say that is the most intimate form of prayer, that it is only when we sleep that we truly let go and communicate with G-d.


    If I was forced to live in a slum like detroit I’d have insomnia too. It could be worse, you could be in Buffalo.


    I can totally relate.


    Only if you let it.


    I love the midwest, provided that I am flying over it.


    I like that episode.


    200 blog posts- and they say I am addicted.

    Gooch- You must be a Trojan. 😉

  2. Gooch February 8, 2006 at 5:12 am

    Consider yourself lucky this is a once in a while thing.I can *NEVER* get to sleep in less than an hour or more after hitting the pillow. Which really tends to throw off any plans I ever have of going to bed early and getting up early the next morning.

  3. Tovya February 8, 2006 at 4:53 am

    Gee, I wish I could fall asleep that easy… then I wouldn’t force myself to read 200 blog posts a day because of insomnia…

  4. Chickadee February 8, 2006 at 4:42 am

    This post made me think of the Seinfeld episode when Jerry woke up in the middle of the night when he thought of a funny joke, wrote it down and went back to sleep. When he woke up the next morning, he couldn’t read his writing or remember his joke.

  5. Ezer K'negdo February 8, 2006 at 2:25 am

    Dude, what IS your beef with the midwest?


    Tribe is going to have a GREAT year!

  6. Rebecca February 8, 2006 at 12:37 am

    I hate when I can’t fall asleep. it is so frustrating! Sometimes I think about future posts as well. does this make us nerds? 🙂

  7. Elster February 7, 2006 at 10:45 pm

    I rarely have difficulty sleeping. Whn I do, there’s nothing for it. I hit the den, stare at the computer for another hour, the try again. The second time usually works.

    I often dream in a semi-conscious state and come up with an idea for the perfect book/tv show/movie – it’s hilareous and exciting. It’s a sure thing. Of course I soon awake and can’t remember anything about it other than the fact that it was a good idea. Alas. The mind can be so cruel.

  8. Air Time February 7, 2006 at 7:40 pm

    Sometimes when i can’t sleep I think about the Magic Johnson Show.

    LA Sucks

  9. Regina Clare Jane February 7, 2006 at 6:44 pm

    I hate to admit this, but sometimes if I start to pray I will fall asleep in the midst of them. I kind of feel guilty upon waking, but it invariably is a nice sleep…

  10. ~ Stacy ~ February 7, 2006 at 5:51 pm

    When I can’t sleep, I entertain thoughts of winning the lottery, and therefore, I must go shopping. This is, of course, a surefire way to induce slumber.

    See, my first stop is always a car dealership. The Nytol effect here is based on indecision. There are so many extras, styles, and color selections to choose from … how can I possibly decide?

    Sometimes I switch things up and go house shopping first. But it doesn’t matter, either way I get bogged down in detail and end up falling asleep before I’ve finished my purchase.

  11. westbankmama February 7, 2006 at 5:05 pm

    Well, my excuse is that I think of the greatest posts on Shabbat and I can’t write them down!

    This way I can rationalize and be self-righteous at the same time

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

You may also like