$@$@^$^@^^#$# is cartoon for I Hate the fucking voicemail system that my bank, my mortgage, my credit card and 1,275,987 institutions I have to speak with use.
I hate having to enter my mothers maiden name, my son’s birthday, my social security number, the last 5 digits of the VIN on my car and Humphrey Bogart’s birthday so that I am granted the privilege of speaking with a stupid computer.
I despise having to enter that information another 12 times just to find out that if I am really interested in speaking with a real person I’ll have to wait for another 23 minutes because of an unexpected high call volume. Every fucking time I call there is an unexpected high call volume.
What the fuck is wrong with you jerkoffs. You outsourced your entire call center to some place in Pakistan where you are paying less than seven rupees a day to some poor jerk who is unfairly forced to suffer my wrath and indignation at having waited 13 hours to speak with a real person. Not only that but you force the poor guy to read a script in which he pretends to be some American named John.
It might work if I didn’t hear a bunch of mullahs in the background screaming Death to America or some alternative chant about how they are going to wreak havoc on the Danish for those cartoons.
I don’t care what his name is or where he lives as long as he can help me. You outsourced to save money. Why not take part of that savings and kill the $%^W$^@$ voicejail system instead of stuffing your pockets with your ill-gotten gains.
So take those grubby little hands out of your pocket and get on the stupid fucking computer and draft a short little email that tells the people who count that the current system is not working, that it is killing customer retention and that your goal in 2006 is to restore real customer service with a personal touch that will allow people to feel as if you actually care about your customers.
This ends this part of the rant, but if I get stuck in voicejail again there might be a sequel to this.