Valentine’s Day Should Be Banned

Gentlemen of the world, lend me your ears. I come to you as the man who would help spare you pain. I bring you tidings of a movement to end your bondage and to help you rise up as free men. You need not participate in the foolish pipedreams and fantasy that the slavers have placed upon you.

You need not worry about flowers, cards and candy. There is no reason for you to concern yourself with the trivial and the meaningless. There is no reason for others to dictate when you will be romantic.

If we act as one, if we work together as a single unit we can destroy the oppressive entities that have heaped this silly fiction upon us and once again know true freedom.

And for those of you who were bored with that silly nonsense I present the following.

Lots of people hate Valentine’s Day. Many are single. But even people in committed relationships can have a rotten time.

For some, it’s because their partner, out of carelessness, forgetfulness or something worse, doesn’t come through with that romantic gift or thoughtfully planned date. Others might be going through a difficult moment in their relationship. Valentine’s Day is like a huge magnifying glass hovering over all those warts and pimples.

“Basically, no matter who you are, Valentine’s Day will give you something to be stressed about,” says 25-year-old receptionist Bennett Madison. It’s kind of like the stress at Christmas, he explains, but worse: “It’s got that added layer of romance. Just one more thing to make you feel inadequate.”

Madison has spent a lot of time thinking about this. In fact, he’s written a book, too. It’s called “I Hate Valentine’s Day.”

Madison says he wrote the book because “all my friends were complaining about Valentine’s Day. Even people who were really self-confident. It seemed like everyone was setting themselves up for something impossible. It’s like they were seeing that one day as a referendum on their whole romantic life.”

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