An Aching Heart. That describes me, at least what I am feeling now. I have been blogging for just short of two years and during that time I have read and learned a lot about myself and life. I have been exposed to people/places/things that have made me laugh and I have witnessed pain and torment.
I have read about some of the most horrific things a person can experience. For me the greatest nightmare that I can imagine would be to lose one of my children. It is the kind of fear that makes my stomach drop and my heart stop. It is not easy to read these stories and not respond.
My Great Sadness is a post that I wrote about the loss of a dear friend. His loss affected me profoundly and almost eight years later the echoes of that time reach out and touch me from time to time. A brain tumor, it was a brain tumor, the third episode that reached out and took him. I was there during the long Summer in which he walked down the path that leads into the cornfields.
That is how I thought of it, like Field of Dreams, he wandered into the cornfield to a different place.
I remember so much about that time. I had been in London and Israel. It was a beautiful trip that I remember fondly. It wasn’t until I got back to the states that I learned that ‘D’ was dying, truly dying this time. For obvious reasons this time of my life is painted in bright colors splatter with stark scenery.
One of the things that I remember most vividly is speaking with my father about this. I remember the pained look on his face when he told me that in my grief I should remember that ‘D’s parents were experiencing something that I couldn’t begin to imagine and that if I could do anything to help them I should. That brings me to the point of this post.
During the course of my blogging I have found a number of blogs that belong to parents who have lost children. Some of them I read regularly and others with less consistency. They all deserve better. I have a healthy ego but it is not so large to think that I can fix everything, but I hope that in some small way I have been able to help them.
If nothing else I encourage you to stop by these blogs and say hello. They are good people and they have a lot to offer.
Hamakom yinachem to you all. May the memories of your children continue to be a blessing and a source of comfort.