Rich and Spectacular In Bed

Boy, oh, boy, oh boy. I just received a note from a scam artist after my own heart. The nice man sent me a note that was too good to be true. In fact I almost wonder if one of my friends is trying to pull one over on me.

Dear sir,

My name is Frank R. Ombauta,

I am the son of Franklin R. Ombauta Sr, the 74th president of the Tri-African congress. My father was a leading member of our society and quite wealthy. In the resent uprising the rebell forces confiscated my fathers welath and proparty and placed him in prisson. My mather, brothar and I were just able to escape to a safer place but are unable to acess the wealth for fear of being disscovered.

I am writting to you to ask for help as I know that you are a man of God and someone who can help me. I need for you to contact the banking authorities to secure the wealth. In addition to the wealth my father has a large supply of the mankoko bean tree plant. This plant is known through the world as being capabale of creating erections that last for hours. I know from personal experience that this plant will cause you great happiness as your womens will love you for much longer.

When you get the welath from the banking authorities you can take some of these plants. I also am paying you 20 % of the weatlh and will include money for expenses. Please right me at the earliest convenience I am debating on you.

I can help you with the bank. I need your account number, telephone, passport and picture and can fill out paperwork to help at the bank.

Most sincerely yours,

Frank R. Ombauta

Dear Mr. Ombauta,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this note. Many years ago I was on a tour, a three hour tour in which my tiny ship was tossed and if not for the efforts of the fearless crew I am sure that we would have been lost. Instead we spent many months living on an island. While on the island I wrote a song that I think will help you.

Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody’s help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I’m not so self assured,
Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won’t you please, please help me.

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I’ve never done before.

Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won’t you please, please help me.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody’s help in any way.
But now these daya are gone, I’m not so self assured,
Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won’t you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.

While I was on the island I discovered some pills that did exactly as you described. I know this to be true because out of 17 passengers I was the only man on the tour and was forced to provide comfort and succor to the others. Sadly I ran out of these magic beans. I tried to find them. I cried out Fee Fie Fo Fum, but they never appeared. I prayed and begged, but they never came back. So it is with great glee that I read of your offer.

I have a special bank agent named Shola Rhodes who will be happy to work with you to get our money from the bank. What do we need to do to proceed?

Thank you,

-Jack

Dear Jack,

I am so pleased to know that you will help me. Send me your bank account informations and I can help you prepare all documents for this.

Most thanks,

Frank R. Ombauta

So that is where we stand. With any luck I will soon be rich and equipped with special powers.

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11 Comments

  1. Pingback: Scamming the Scammer Again — The JackB

  2. Jack's Shack March 13, 2006 at 7:22 am

    Fitèna,

    sometimes the world is a very interesting place to live in.

  3. Fitèna March 13, 2006 at 6:39 am

    They sure wnat you Jack!!! lol!

    Roger Maris, aint that incredible! Never heard about the guy till yestrday I was reading this novel called the Brothers K – excellent by the way – by D. J. Duncan and now you’re calling yourself Roger Marris!

    Fitèna

  4. Jack's Shack March 13, 2006 at 1:19 am

    PT,

    Consider it done.

  5. PsychoToddler March 12, 2006 at 9:16 pm

    Jack, when you get these beans, I wish to transact to purchase some from you. Give me your bank account information so I can prepare the necessary transfers.

  6. Jack's Shack March 12, 2006 at 7:07 pm

    Dj,

    I wasn’t involved in any of that, so I can’t comment.

    WBM,

    Yep,

    Robbie,

    News of my death is premature.

    Chaim,

    I wouldn’t be surprised.

    JB,

    These things happen.

  7. Jewish Blogmeister March 12, 2006 at 3:50 pm

    You mean I wasn’t supposed to give him my accounting information…that might explain some recent activity in my bank account…

  8. Chaim March 12, 2006 at 2:57 pm

    Jack, I think we’re on the same “personal” email list.

  9. Robbie March 12, 2006 at 2:49 pm

    Unrelated to anything –

    this past weekend, wasting time near the shul’s memorial board, I saw the name, “Jack Shack” and I was very saddened to learn of your passing.

    I will miss you dearly.

  10. westbankmama March 12, 2006 at 2:39 pm

    So THAT’s what those beans were for…

  11. Datingmaster, Jerusalem March 12, 2006 at 10:02 am

    thanks for being Dating mistress -you did a wonderful job-obviously you are tops for intelleigence and humor, grammar,syntax and spelling
    one thing, how come so many aggressive women came over?

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