My iPod has taken a leave of absence. I am rather disturbed because it is an unexcused absence. The bloody thing has gone AWOL and I haven’t a clue as to where it is. I keep it in the same place and rarely if ever leave it anywhere else.
The reason is that the consistency and routine placement mean that I don’t have these discussions. You don’t hear me say that I haven’t any idea where it is because it is always in the same place. If my iPod was a person I’d be extra concerned as all of it’s stuff is located in the same place it always is. Charger, headphones and all other accoutrements are located in their homes.
If you don’t understand the connection is this. When a person goes missing we always check their homes to see if they have taken their stuff with them. If they and their stuff are missing you can guess that they pulled a Springsteen in Hungry Heart move
“Got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack
I went out for a ride and I never went back
Like a river that don’t know where it’s flowing
I took a wrong turn and I just kept going’
I am just a little ticked off about this. Time to channel my inner Tommy Lee Jones
‘Alright, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes. Average foot speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 4 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive’s name is White Apple iPod. Go get it.”
Those of you who know me well have probably already realized just how aggravating this is to me. I know that they say not to sweat the small stuff, but this is not small to me.
That was code for a string of cursewords that you really don’t really want to hear me say because if I did all of your body hair would fall off and you’d go into a three month coma. Ok, I exaggerate, it wouldn’t be any longer than 2 weeks.
Blast, I miss my iPod. Come home dear iPod, daddy still loves you.