Dear Soccer Hating American

I received the following email:

Dear football hating american. The only reason that you hate the beautiful game is because your bloated and overindulged country is pathetically bad at it. True football is beauty and art that is beloved by the world. Unlike that silly game you play called football. watch and learn well and maybe one day your country will learn how to be a part of nations.

Hmm… I am tempted to post your email address so that you can be overrun by the hordes of the shack. My minions shall feast upon your mortal soul and you shall know no rest.

Ok, that was a little dramatic but so was your note. You’ll notice that I only posted a fragment of it which works because you write in fragments. I don’t know if English is your second language but I hope that it is because your writing is like soccer, atrocious to watch.

I have watched the cup and laughed at the antics and bad acting of the so called players. I laugh at the flops and falls as they beg the officials to penalize the other side.

I am playing around with creating the World Cup of Paint Watching. I figure that we can play that alongside the cup because few people will know the difference.

The best part of a soccer game is watching the fans riot and burn down the stadium every time the other side loses a game. In fact I think that I am going to launch a new business in which I insure the stadiums for ridiculously high premiums.

It’ll be a gold mine.