• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary navigation
  • Skip to footer

The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

  • About Jack
    • Other Places You Can Find Me
  • Contact Me
    • Disclosure
  • About Jack
    • Other Places You Can Find Me
  • Contact Me
    • Disclosure

Archives for December 2006

The Salvation Army Bell Ringer Doesn’t Like Me

December 21, 2006 by Jack Steiner 10 Comments

Now I know that you are going to be surprised to hear this, but during a recent trip to the store I was accosted by the bell ringer for the Salvation Army.

Army: Sir, could you spare some change?
Me: Not today.

Army: Just a little would help.
Me: A little would help me too.

Army: Perhaps you can give something small.
Me: Perhaps you might like to give me something small.

Army: Sorry, I can’t help you today.
Me: No problem. I can’t help you either.

Army: My refusal shouldn’t stop you.
Me: Stop me from what?

Army: From making a donation.
Me: It is not going to happen.

Army: Just give something.
Me: Ok. How about some advice.

Army: Seriously, just give me something.
Me: I am serious. Give me something first and I’ll consider it.

Army: That is not how it works.
Me: Oh really.

Army: Yes. Jesus asks that you give and when you do you are rewarded.
Me: I don’t think that you want to go there with me.

Army: Why? Don’t you want to learn about how you can be saved.
Me: It would be easier to shoot up with heroin and far less painful.

Army: That is really offensive.
Me: Nah, I haven’t even begun to be offensive. Say something else and let’s see what happens.

Army: Sir, it is not my fault that your heart won’t let you see.
Me: It is not my fault that you have been lied to for your entire life either.

Army: G-d will forgive you.
Me: You don’t know what G-d will or won’t do so stop speaking for him/her or it.

Army: All that energy and what have you accomplished.
Me: I have kept you from bothering the fine folks that shop at this establishment that wishes all of its good patrons happy holidays.

Army: Perhaps you should just leave.
Me: Nah, I like it here. I think that I may set up my own bucket. Instead of a bell I am going to use an air horn. Since the establishment has a big sign saying that they don’t approve of soliciting I should have as much right to hang out here as you do.

Army: Would you just leave?
Me: Give me twenty bucks and I’ll take off.

Army: Twenty. No way.
Me: What about 15.

Army: Uh, no.
Me: Ten?

Army: No
Me: Ok, what about five.

And with that the bell ringer broke down and reached into the bucket. With a stern look on his face he handed me a five dollar bill and pointed towards the parking lot.

I’ll have to try this again at a different store.

Filed Under: Religion

The Python Versus The Alligator

December 20, 2006 by Jack Steiner 5 Comments

The residents of the shack are nature lovers and interested in science. As you may recall we have blogged about pythons that tried to eat alligators, sheep and alligators that have eaten people. Now we are pleased to provide you with some more news about pythons in the Everglades.

EVERGLADES NATIONAL PARK, Florida (AP) — “SNAKE!” Hearing this shout, Skip Snow slammed on the brakes. When the off-roader plowed to a halt, he and his partner, Lori Oberhofer, leaped out and took off running toward two snakes, actually — a pair of 10-foot Burmese pythons lying on a levee, sunning themselves.

After slipping, sliding and tumbling down a rocky embankment, Snow, a wildlife biologist, grabbed one of the creatures by the tail. The python, Oberhofer says, did not care much for that.

“It made a sound like Darth Vader breathing,” she says, “and then its head swung around and I saw this white mouth flying through the air.”

Snow saw the mouth, too — the jaws open 180 degrees, the gums an obscene white, the needle-sharp teeth bared in an almost devilish grin. He let out a shriek, then blinked, and when his eyes opened the python’s head was hanging in mid-air, less than a foot from his own.

Oberhofer, with a Ninja-like thrust, had snared the python in mid-strike.

“I snagged it right behind its head, on its neck,” the 43-year-old wildlife technician recalls. “It was pure reflex — a defensive move. I don’t know if I could ever do it again.”

The python hadn’t succumbed yet, however. “They defecate on you, on purpose, hoping to make you reconsider what you’re doing,” Oberhofer says. “It’s not pleasant.”

Nope, I don’t think that it would be. Let’s take a look at the story highlights for a moment

• Foreign snake species threatening native wildlife in Everglades
• Python prey: Raccoons, possums, muskrats and native cotton rats
• More than 1 million pythons have been imported to the U.S. since 2000
• Slithery giants can grow as long as 26 feet, weigh more than 200 pounds

And now back to the story

Scientists also worry that these slithery giants — which have been known to grow as long as 26 feet — may soon start to feast on native species whose survival is in doubt.

“The Everglades doesn’t work by itself anymore,” says Leon Howell, 58, who has been associated with the park for the last 21 years as a visitor, naturalist, fishing guide and, presently, park ranger. “This whole landscape has to be managed today: water, fire, exotics — you name it.”

Which explains the evolution of Snow and Oberhofer into a human firewall against non-native exotics. Without them, Howell figures, “there’d be pythons all over the place.”

A decade ago, Snow and Oberhofer spent their days reintroducing rare, native birds to the pinelands and monitoring “indicator” species, such as wading birds, alligators, bald eagles, panthers. Then, in the late ’90s, pythons began turning up.

Pet owners were releasing their giant, unwanted snakes in and around the park. But convincing the public that pythons are a danger to this otherworldly mosaic of marshes, sloughs, marl prairies and shadowy hammocks was, and still is, a tough sell.

Perhaps that is because of the Everglades’ primeval nature. Truly: Where else in North America can the visitor find crocodiles, manatees and rainbow-colored tree snails, roseate spoonbills and ghost orchids, towering royal palms and gumbo limbos? Here, biblical clouds of mosquitoes can turn a white off-road vehicle black within seconds. Waterlilies can perfume the air for miles.

At night, the beam of a lamp through a marsh often catches the eerie, ruby shine of a lurking alligator’s eyes.

Drained and abused wetlands

Yet, as vast and threatening as these wetlands may appear, they have been so drained and abused by humans in the last century that a population of pythons, if left unchallenged, could take down this fragile web of life within a generation.

“It’s a now-or-never thing,” Oberhofer says. “We still have a chance, with the python’s numbers being so limited, to do something. But if we let this go, we don’t know how far the pythons will migrate, how much they will reproduce.”

One thing is certain, Snow says. “They’ll eat just about everything that’s warm-blooded.”

Three years ago, a party of bird-watchers walking along the eastern Everglades’ Anhinga Trail stumbled upon a death match of super predators — python versus alligator. The gator, it appeared, had the upper hand: Its jaws, capable of a bite pressure of more than 3,000 pounds per square inch, were clenched on the snake, and for hours the gator carried its prey about, waiting for the python to go limp.

But it didn’t; after nearly 30 hours the python wriggled free of the alligator’s jaws and swam off into the high grass. “We looked for buzzards feeding on a snake carcass,” Snow recalls, “but we never found any.”

That a python could survive a gator attack was a red flag, and it was soon followed by others.

In February 2004, tourists at the Pa-hay-okee Overlook watched, stunned, as a python wrapped itself around an alligator, which countered by rolling over and grabbing the snake in its mouth and swimming off. And then, last fall, the carcasses of a 13-foot python and a 6-foot gator that had squared off were found later floating in a marsh, the gator’s tail and hind legs protruding from the split-open gut of the python.

“Sometimes,” says Snow, “pythons swallow things they shouldn’t.”

That last line is a bit disturbing, isn’t it.

Filed Under: Science

Our Most Effective Man In The War On Terror

December 20, 2006 by Jack Steiner 4 Comments

Every time I see a picture of Ayman al-Zawahiri it makes me think of how Lt. Frank Drebin handled Gorbachev in the video below.

For that matter look how effective he was in dealing with other terrorists and two bit dictators.


Filed Under: Uncategorized

Rocky Balboa- Confession Part II

December 20, 2006 by Jack Steiner 4 Comments

A couple of weeks ago I blogged about my desire to see the upcoming Rocky Balboa movie. Since that day I have redoubled my efforts to get myself back into fighting shape.

I have resumed lifting weights each day and am pushing myself, although not so hard that I haven’t enjoyed sufganiyot and some gelt. But given how hard I have been training I am not worried about the extra calories.

If you want some insight on how I continue to motivate myself click here and scroll down to the links called training, pep talks and knockouts.

When I am not at the ‘puter or the gym I cruise the parking lots at Costco and Trader Joes and or wish people Happy Holidays. That always gives me more fodder for the fire

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Readers Come And Go

December 19, 2006 by Jack Steiner 14 Comments

One of the things about blogging that I have noticed is that readers come and go. I recognize that there is nothing profound about this, but I find it to be interesting. I suppose that I should elaborate upon this idea.

If you get involved in following the various stat checking tools (stat counters, Technorati, etc.) you begin to notice that there are certain people who consistently appear at your blog. They may not always comment, for that matter they may never do so, but they still follow your work.

The seventeen longtime readers are well aware that I check my stats on a regular basis, maybe too consistently. I won’t say that I cannot help it, but I really do find it quite interesting to see what is moving here. Which posts are the most widely read, what keywords are used to bring people here etc.

Anyway, from time to time I notice that some people have dropped me and I am usually curious why. I wonder if they got bored, if I offended them or if they just found better things to do with their time.

Then again I wonder whether who would win in a fight between Scooby Doo and the Jetson’s dog Astro. Maybe I am spending too much time here at the keyboard.

Hmmmmmmmm…………..

Filed Under: Blogging

It Is Juvenile, But It Bothers Me

December 19, 2006 by Jack Steiner 4 Comments

I know that this is juvenile, but it bothers me when other cars pass me on the freeway. Ok, that is not entirely true, it doesn’t always bother me.

But sometimes it just grates on my nerves to see the guy driving that sports car that I could never afford go ambling by like I am standing still. Even worse is watching the girl in the beat up clunker pass me.

Confession of the moment. Sometimes if I see a car trying to pass me I’ll speed up so that they cannot. Go pass someone else, my fragile male ego can’t always take it.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

  • « Go to Previous Page
  • Page 1
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 4
  • Page 5
  • Page 6
  • Page 7
  • Page 8
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 17
  • Go to Next Page »

Footer

Things Someone Wrote

The Fabulous Archives

Copyright © 2025 · Jack Steiner

 

Loading Comments...