As a father I cannot imagine more horrifying words than being told that your child is going to die. It has to be a complete nightmare. I say this as someone who has seen what the loss of a child can do to a family. That experience is outside of the thoughts and feelings that some bloggers have shared about the loss of their children.
I wrote Taking Stock of Life- A General Accounting because of a number of things, one of which was learning about how very ill a good friend has become. But I didn’t share everything that was going on.
You see my baby cousin has a brain tumor. She is not really a baby anymore, not in the traditional sense of the word. She is 25. We grew up in different states and I can’t say that I really saw her all that much which is probably why it is easier to picture a little girl in pigtails.
The news about my cousin came on the same day that my friend filled me on what is going on with her. At the time I couldn’t bring myself to write about my cousin. I couldn’t do it because of the sick feeling that just hearing about it gave me.
I have been down this road before. Too many times, too many brain tumors, too much death. It just shook me up. I really was filled with dread. It is not easy to process so much bad news in such a short time.
When I thought about my cousin’s mother I heard this clinical voice tell her that in all likelihood her daughter would succumb to this. I am ashamed to admit that.
But while there is life there is hope. Medical science is not precise. Sometimes 2+2 does not equal four. So while there is time to hope, I will hope. While there is time to pray I will pray. Better now than later. Better today than tomorrow.
Life is a bitch, but you don’t have to let it break you. I don’t know what else to say. I am not sure that it is accurate to say that I feel better, but I am somewhat relieved that I got some of this off of my chest.