I Am A Master Of Yard Work

You can call it Jack Versus The Oleander. Located in a corner of my yard there is a large Oleander with shrubitude. For years now it has loomed menacingly over the yard, a threatening presence. The only thing that held it in check was its healthy fear of my shrub cutting skills.

Armed with a lopper I can do an enormous amount of damage, especially when provoked. For a while there was a standoff. The Oleander maintained its position but only because every so often the lopper and I would engage in a little chop-off round the perimeter. But I think that we both knew that one day it would come to blows.

Sometime last fall the old lopper gave it up the battle. It crapped out, bought the farm, met its maker. Yes, I know that I am going on about a yard tool, but sometimes a tool can be more than just a tool.

I couldn’t help but mourn the loss of the lopper. It took close to six months for me to go out and find a replacement. Koheleth said that for every thing there is a season and now is the season of the lopper.

Earlier this week I paid a visit to Home Depot with the intent to purchase a lopper and nothing more. Sadly the Depot Demons got a hold of my wallet and I was forced to purchase other items but that is a story for a different day. On this day I shall only speak of the lopper, the mighty lopper.

If I didn’t know better I would say that the Oleander shrank back in fear of the lopper for it knew that in my hands it was a mighty tool. And in a matter of a few hours that overgrown Oleander shrank in size. It went from being Big Plant On Campus to just a mere shrub again.

Ok, enough of this nonsense. Apparently this is what happens when I spend 1,987 hours doing yard work in the sun.