The JackB

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

Random Thoughts

Written In The Stars

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There are things going on now that have me shaking my head in both amazement and the occasional moment of disgust.

Can’t decide if I should try to explain or just use the song to illustrate it all, contradictions all around.

I had a dream last night,
The world was set on fire.
And everywhere I ran,
There wasn’t any water…
The temperature increased,
The sky was crimson red,
The clouds turned into smoke,
And everyone was dead.
But there’s a smile on my face,
For everyone…

That Lonely Place

Sometimes the life bus drops you off at that lonely place without any regard for your wishes or desires and then you have to figure out what to do with it.

You can drop your bags and unpack knowing you might be there for a while or you can take other steps and work on a plan for getting out of there.

There rarely if ever is a reason for an extended stay there but it doesn’t mean that you can choose the time and date you enter or leave.

If life were that simple it would be a very different world but it is not and smart people distinguish between the world we live in and the one we wish we did.

Doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t work for better, just that you keep one foot planted on Earth so that you can take care of reality while working towards the other.

The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

I could tell you a story about the Shmata Queen and how I told her she would have to say ‘please’ but that is kind of risque and we’re short on time.

So I’ll share the second Oingo-Boingo video of this post and tell you the lyrics absolutely prove the more things change, the more they stay the same.

I always liked Boingo but I wasn’t as big a fan as some friends who went to thirty or forty of their concerts as opposed to the handful I hit.

Might have been two or three, heck it could be one.

Been about 24 or 25 years I think since the last show I saw at the Universal Amphitheater. It was one of the Halloween shows and it was phenomenal.

They didn’t need auto-tune or any studio effects and the crowd was filled with diehard fans who never stopped dancing and singing along.

I don’t recall if the venue held 12,000 or 30,000 people, just that I felt like I knew most of them or knew someone that knew them.

Was kind of cool, made it feel like a more intimate show.

Placeholders Continued

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Moving on from this post with thoughts about integrating these songs into a new post.

Song one

Song 2

Song 3

Got three or four ideas for a story inside my head and that is without thinking hard about whether they ought to be integrated into one or expanded into six or seven.

If you cared enough and took the time I could take you through the seventies into the eighties and into the present.

And hell, I might tell the tales anyway because I am that guy whomever that is anyway.

Or at least that is what someone said to me, “you are that guy” and I didn’t fight it.

I just nodded my head, smiled and said “you have no idea.”

That is what happens when you try to label me or pin me down. I don’t like it very much and I respond. Maybe it makes me juvenile or maybe it just means I am human.

Don’t think I am particularly different from many, I am just a man.


It Happens This Year

Made a decision about a few things a while back and decided I am going to get the answers and do something about them.

“It happens this year. I take action or drop it all and move on because it is time.”

Not sure who I was talking to when I said it, but I know I said out loud so it maybe it was for me. Maybe I had to say it so that I could my own voice and accept the promise I made to myself.

Sometimes that is what you have to do, speak out loud and hold yourself accountable to yourself.

After all, if you can’t do it for yourself than whom are you are going to do it for.

That is how we have to roll. Can’t be good for anyone else if you aren’t good to yourself.

Memory Blanks

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Four or five hours ago I knew what I was going to write about here and made a point to make a mental note to remember or write it down.

It was a good idea, but it didn’t happen and now the thing that could have been an awesome sequel to the prior post is lost inside the cavern between my ears.

Could tell you not to worry and you would probably say that is good because you don’t but I suspect at least one of you does. At least one found themselves weirded out but not weirded out by the prior post.

Because sometimes you go through hell and beyond and end up in the place between limbo and heaven wondering how the fuck you got there and if you need to stay.

It is a reasonable question, why dance in the fire if you can extinguish it and walk away?

Maybe because you realize the fire burns in a different way and you are determined to figure out what the hell is different and if you should pay attention to it.

Because you have missed opportunities before and this time you are not going to miss one without putting more thought and influence into it.

That’s not to say you didn’t put thought into it before, but this time age, wisdom and experience are there to lean upon and that is worth more than just a little.

One moment and nothing was ever the same, might as well run it down.

Been Way Too Long

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Time moves faster than I realize because it feels like but a moment since SQ asked me to reconsider leaving and I said not to worry because I would be back.

Been slightly less than a moment since I updated this joint except the calendar shows how very wrong I am on both accounts.

Don’t think I have ever gone this long between posts here and that bothers me because this is one of my homes and I feel like I haven’t taken care of it.

Been busy with important things, meaningful things, things that qualify as more than stuff but it doesn’t take the sting out some of it.

Told SQ that sometimes that familiar ache hits so very hard and didn’t hear anything in return but took silence as acknowledgment because sometimes there is no reason to say much more.

If she stepped into my arms it would feel like no time had passed and the familiarity of home would be there because we carry our home with us wherever we go.


No Time To Do It All

Haven’t got enough time to do it all and too much to ignore what I can do.

Looked in the mirror and shook my head because I see the weight of the past and a face that knows what it means to live, to love and to lose.

A face that knows triumph, sorrow and the in-between.

He can carry the load himself if need be because it is how he is built, but it is not his first choice.

It is why I told SQ it is time to carry each other again and to let go and let be. To take a shot at grabbing that brass ring and to see if the magic is truly eternal as we have always known and believed it to be.

Always said one kiss would bring it all back which is why she hides her lips, because it is known and destiny will force our hands whether we choose to cooperate or not.

So better to march out and meet it on our terms, as best we can.

Why be Charles and Camilla when you could be like that man in black and his girl.

You can face the opportunity and see if the sun still warms your countenance or stand under the clouds and pretend the shadow cannot move.

The Queen May Read

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Thought about what was written here and wondered when the queen may read it. Hope it would be sooner than later but time really has no meaning right now.

Impatient I may be, anxious to have conversation and connection because of a feeling that things are heading a certain direction.

Got no logical reason to feel this way, merely a gut impulse but every other time I felt it the thing I thought would happen did.

Doesn’t mean it will, but it doesn’t mean it won’t either.

So if I sit upon the fence post and wait a moment before determining what side to come down upon I am ok with it.

Harry Nilsson Doesn’t Care

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Harry Nilsson doesn’t care that I started this post while listening to what Apple Music calls his essentials and then moved to Gordon Lightfoot and not because he is dead.

Rather it is because I can’t imagine he ever would have stumbled across this place so he would never know about it.

But if he did find it I think he’d be more focused on my having included him in the headline and the post, that is better than not being included, even if you are featured on a smaller joint.

Lost In Her Loving

I’d argue it is far better to get lost in her loving than to never know what that is like.

Even if said love is removed and you feel like the sky has gone dark or the moon has chosen to hide you know something.

That is the sort of experience you never forget because if you get wrapped up in that warmth you have been through something life-changing.

I know a guy who told me he would give it all up because having loved and lost was too damn painful, but I told him he is a fool.

He told me I was the real fool and that you never get it back and I shook my head.

I know better.

Sometimes you get her back and you get another shot, sometimes you don’t.

The focal point ought to be how you learned you can fly and don’t have to settle for being earthbound.

It can present some painful moments when your wings have been clipped but the knowledge of what is possible or trying to discover what is possible is part of the scientific spirit.

There are no advances without a willingness to explore and to dig a little bit.

What Words Will You Use To Speak?

The same guy asked me what made me so certain.

I told him I had kissed a certain girl a thousand times and never tired of it.

“It always felt like we had the most intimate conversations without words, but we spoke.”

“How did you know?”

“I didn’t know in the ‘traditional’ sense, I knew in my gut. And even when we were apart I always felt like we could pick up and resume where we left or even take it to a deeper level because of life experience. If she agreed to let me pepper her pike, well I would absolutely think about it.”

“You’d think about it? Why not just do it?”

“Sometimes it is good for her to hear no. Let her remember it is a true partnership, if we let it be. There is a level of trust that makes the physical work in a different way. It is all based upon the communication because when we let do the depth is unmatched.”

“You make it sound like someone is holding back now.”

“Maybe one of us, maybe both of us or maybe none of us.”

“You are not going to tell me, are you?”

“Nope, that is our business and you aren’t part of ‘our’ are you.”

I laughed and he smiled.

“Well, you ought to tell her what you think about your business. She might be waiting for you to speak.”

“Yeah, she might or she might already know. Maybe she’d prefer not to hear about any of it or maybe she really is waiting.”

“Did anyone tell you that you are a pain-in-the-ass and that you refuse to answer questions.”

“No. Not one single person.  :D”

One Step Into The Unknown

Part of me very much wants to hide out in my castle and wait for the chaos and confusion to pass. Part of me wonders if we have really touched upon it or it is trapped inside Pandora’s box waiting to be set free.

Had a situation develop on the job side that has wreaked a bit of havoc. Had a call that can only be described as a brutal beating that left me incensed because it wasn’t my fault.

I think that is understood by the important people but it doesn’t make me feel good.

Nor does getting some assignments that I don’t understand well. If I am going to work on something I want to do a good job and this feels a little loosey-goosey to me.

So I am going to have to draw on a little reserve of courage and push on. That is all I can do.