The Almighty Speaks To Jack

If you are of a certain age you may remember that when John Denver wasn’t singing Rocky Mountain High or asking country roads to take him home he was engaged in a dialogue with the almighty, George Burns. Ok, it was a movie, or a couple of movies. I can’t be bothered to remember everything. It is bad enough that I am asked to remind everyone that the Shmata Queen turns 50 tomorrow. (Hee hee, she is going to kill me.)

Let’s get back the post at hand, or at keyboard as the case may be. Today was an ordinary day. Much like the rest of the week. I did my 10 mile run in less than 90 minutes, pumped iron for a couple of hours and managed dunk twice over three 20 year-old boys who still can’t believe that an old man has crazy hops like me.

Inside the steam room I received direct communication from above. The Big Kahuna, Top Dog, The Man, the creator of the universe and master of time and space reached out and touched me. Understand that being touched in the steam room is disconcerting. When you are naked and walking amongst the people you aren’t real interested in being groped, nor do you expect that you’ll have an experience like Big Jake in which the almighty lays a hand upon your thigh.

There inside that steam room I was given a vision, testimony that I was commanded to present to the world. I was warned that my word would not be taken seriously and that some people would accuse me of being crazy. But in the presence of the steam that was not consumed I knew that I had received my calling and a duty that I couldn’t forsake.

I am more than just the Bishop of Bullfrog. I am more than just Jack. That roar you hear isn’t an airplane, it is not a big truck, it is the heavenly host telling you that you better damn well take notice of me. In the very near future I will be presenting you with the most important information you’ll ever encounter.

For now I have been directed to visit the missionaries so that I can correct their behavior. Those who witness are being instructed to stop the trash talking. You got the message wrong. You blew it and now is your sole chance to redeem yourselves. Listen well, listen long and remember the words that I will present you.

I am the eggman, I am the eggman, I am the walrus.

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