Correspondence Regarding a Job Offer

I received a pleasant surprise in my inbox. It was a job offer. Take a look:

Hurg & Craig International Limited.
Queens Road, Morley, Leeds, LS27 0PF
UNITED KINGDOM.
ID# 34869801
Attention.

We are into Textile materials for world trade as well as import/export of various commodities into America/Canada/Europe, as part of our ongoing expansion project, we are in search of competent and efficient proxies, who can help us establish a medium of getting to our customers in America, Canada and Europe with primary duties to include receipt of funds from our clients.

Sequel to your acceptance of this offer you will be entitling to 10% of every payment made through you to our company and 90% will be remitted to the company. You will stand in good stead, when the opportunity for securing a top management position arises, as we intend to put in place structures, in terms of human resources and physical facilities in your location depending on our rate of turnover.

YOUR TASK:
Your task is to only co-ordinate payments from customers and helps us with the payment process.

You will not be involved in any sales as our sales managers are in charge of that aspect for the company. This job takes only 3-7 hours per week. You’ll have a lot of free time doing your permanent job; you will also secure good income in the process. If you are interested please send us the following information.

{1}Full Names…………………….
{2}Sex…………………………..
{3}Marital Status…………………
{4}Age…………………………..
{5}Company If Any…………………
(6) Do you have a checking Acc—–
{6}Position………………………
{7}Full Contact Address……………
{8}Home/Cell No…………………..
{9}Fax No………………………..
Awaiting your reply to my inbox,: Johnson.Craig@Alum.com
Mr. Johnson Craig
“Sole Proprietor”
Craig Textiles…

My Response:

Dear Mr. Johnson Craig,

This is to be stuck straight up your inbox. It was with great joy in my heart that I received your offer of employment in the tactile industry. I was especially pleased to read this line “who can help us establish a medium” because I am gifted with the special sight. It is a talent that I received through divine providence. Not only can I see those who have left and right, but my vision divines the potential and profit of people, past and present.

So I know with a heart full of soul that this is right for me. Last night I celebrated with incense and peppermints the beginning of this new venture.

{1} Full Names………………. Jack Ofalltraydes
{2} Sex………………………….. Frequently
{3} Marital Status………………… Black Belt
{4} Age………………………….. 45
{5} Company If Any………………… She just left.
(6) Do you have a checking Acc—– Yes.
{6} Position……………………… Vertical
{7} Full Contact Address…………… 1060 West Addison Chicago, IL 60613-
{8} Home/Cell No………………….. (976) 328-6333
{9} Fax No……………………….. Just the fax and nothing but the fax.


I look forward to hearing from you Johnson Craig. Please send me my business cards as soon as possible.

And then Johnson Craig responded to me:

Dear Mr. Jack Ofalltraydes,

We are pleased to accept your position. In order to process your employment we need your banking information. Please send me to this at Johnson.Craig@Alum.com or you will not be functional.

God bless your person,

Mr. Johnson Craig
“Sole Proprietor”
Craig Textiles…


Something tells me that I need to come up with a special response for Mr. Johnson Craig

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Comments

  1. Jack's Shack says

    who are these dolts?

    My new friends.

  2. No way, no way! You were ACCEPTED? Goodness gracious, who are these dolts?

    I was cracking up at some of your answers (company- she just left. Position- vertical. Hee hee!)

  3. Jack's Shack says

    Val,

    Will do.

    Sona,

    I’ll keep those in mind.

    Benning,

    I am working on it. 🙂

  4. Give him a well-thought out response! Anyone who can write this: “Sequel to your acceptance” is special!

  5. Possible replies:

    1) I bank every Friday afternoon.
    2) On the corner, red bricks
    3) no bank, keep cash in special hiding place only
    4) I’ll show you mine if….

  6. Hysterical! Let us know what you end up writing!

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