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"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." Groucho Marx

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The Angry Morning- Festivus

April 1, 2008 by Jack Steiner Leave a Comment

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I must have been about six or so when my father asked if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. At that age I didn’t know jack about euphemisms and yelled “NO” back at him. He of course gave me the famous glare and I backed down. You didn’t yell at dad.

A few minutes later he explained to me that it was an expression that referred to your emotional state. For those who take me literally I am sure that he didn’t use the term emotional state he wouldn’t do that to me just as he wouldn’t punish me by forcing me to live in cleveland or Baltimore.

Someone else I know parrots her mother by saying that people are in a mood. In fact she’d probably say that I am in a mood right now. I hate that freaking expression. It makes it sound like we’re stuck inside a bubble and I sure as hell am not the freaking bubble boy. I am not floating around waiting, no begging for some poor sap to prick the bubble and set me free.

No today I woke up breathing fire and spitting blood. I don’t know why. I don’t remember what I dreamt about. I didn’t go to bed angry. I just woke up ready to do battle. Maybe it is because I slept with my sword, I don’t know.

I had intended to come up with some goofy post about Festivus. And then I came across two websites about the holiday and ended up more pissed off. And I can’t tell you exactly why they aggravated me, other than they commercialized a beautiful day.

But there is still one thing that makes sense to me. I need to engage in the airing of grievances and feats of strength.

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